That's WB hard at work at University.  Money well spent don't you think?

Sorry for the absence.  Between moving one out and crying randomly for 3 days; moving one in; first day of school for WG and me; two jobs and budgets due by next week I barely have time to breathe.

There is, however, one thing that I really AM "so OCD" about. The worst thing in the world. I'm not bothered by VCR timers blinking at me for days after a powercut, microwaves with the door popped and "0:01" on the display, anything like that. No, what bothers me is skipping ahead in series of video games.

I must play everything from the absolute beginning. EVERYTHING. And I must beat it, usually fair and square. This means I beat Final Fantasy I before anything else. This means that I PLAYED FINAL FANTASY II FOR THE NES TO COMPLETION. For those of you who have played that game, I want you to think about that. Go on, think good and hard. Did you enjoy that game? No? That's because it sucks. Just look at that horrible levelling system. I don't even want to talk about the game any more than that, it's like having flashbacks to being in a warzone, or kidnapped in the basement of a rapist. God.

This compulsion is worsened when games have some kind of chronology - Castlevania, for example. I have played and beaten every single Castlevania game ever released, apart from Portait of Ruin, which came out after I'd done my little "pilgrimage" through the series, and which I'm playing right now. Every. Single. Castlevania. Game. The shitty Gameboy ones. Simon's Quest. The N64 ones. (Which I actually love, but I know everyone else hates them for some reason.) And I didn't even do it in release order, I did it in CHRONOLOGICAL order, beginning with Lament of Innocence for the PS2 (set in the late 11th century) and ending with Dawn of Sorrow (set in the year 2036.)

One day a few weeks ago I decided to take a look at the Monster World series. For those who don't know (and I'd understand that fully because the series name is so generic), Monster World is actually a kind of sub-series that runs alongside (and often INSIDE) the Wonder Boy series. Go check Wikipedia for the full story behind the naming and chronology if you care, it's too confusing and retarded to bother taking up half this post with.

Anyway, I discovered that Monster World IV (which is also Wonder Boy VI or some bullshit) now has a translation patch putting it into English. And it stars a girl with a green ponytail. This compelled me to play it in ways I can't possibly relate in text, caused by my intense fixation on girls of that ilk, which will probably be the subject of another (very creepy) post at some point down the line. However, due to my horrible compulsion to play shit in order, I resigned myself to slugging through the Sega Master System games that make up the early series in order to get there. I decided to let myself get away with starting on Wonder Boy in Monster Land, which is Wonder Boy II, because it's first in the Monster World series. I could just say I was "working through Monster World", see, and not "working through Wonder Boy."

So far, the game has been a horrible, painful, terrible experience. I am about to show you why, in order to save you from having to play this godawful nugget of feces yourself.

Looks like solid retro fun, doesn't it? A nice sidescroller with RPG elements, not too complicated, fun to play while you chat to friends or just when you're oversaturated with complex, modern games and need a bit of a break. Yeah, that's what I thought too. Except, guess what? It's a port of an arcade game. That's not so bad, though, right? Loads of great games appeared on the arcade before being ported to home consoles - the first Castlevania, for example. But look at the status bar at the top. See that hourglass?

SURELY THEY DIDN'T, RIGHT? Well, yes they did. Yes they damn well did. They left the time limit intact from the arcade version. A feature designed to make sure you weren't being a dick and screwing around in the same few screens and not letting anyone else play the arcade machine by penalising you for dawdling was left in for the home console release. This timer runs down constantly, and whenever it runs out completely, you lose a heart off your health. But that's not too bad, right? I mean, it just means you can't fuck around too much and you have to get on with the game, right?

Oh, but look at that! There's not one, but TWO shields for sale in the shield store. A weaker one that costs less, and a stronger one that costs more. That's pretty standard stuff for RPG-like games, and the choice here is the same as the choice in most other games following the same vein: grind for the better stuff now, or deal with the increased challenge of playing with weaker equipment until later in the game when the items which seemed so pricy back then now cost chump change.

Except, hold on a moment here. I CAN'T grind for the more expensive equipment, because holy shit, I'm on a time limit! And it's not just shields I have to think about too, there's armour, boots, magic, a bunch of crap like that. Even if I just bought the weakest version of everything, I still couldn't afford equipment for my entire bo--

Wait, what? In the time I was busy typing that crap to you, I got shoved outside the store, and now it's closed PERMANENTLY and will never re-open? Yeah, that's right. If you take too much time browsing in a store, where the timer doesn't even run down and where any other game in the history of mankind would have the decency to STOP THE ACTION, you get booted out of the store and it counts as "having visited it". Most of the equipment stores shut down forever after you've visited them once, whether you bought anything or not, so fucking around like this will only mean the store closes, you get tossed out on the street and you can't buy anything.

Of course, this means that you CAN'T EVEN JUST GO INTO THE STORE TO CHECK THE PRICES, YOU BETTER BE GODDAMN PSYCHIC AND KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH MONEY YOU NEED BEFORE YOU EVEN STEP FOOT IN ONE, OR YOU'RE A DUMB BASTARD AND YOU DESERVE NOT TO HAVE ANY EQUIPMENT AT ALL. Since the Master System's actual pause button doesn't work in the shop screens, if you're in a store and you need to take a piss, or the doorbell goes, or the phone rings or something, you'd better be prepared to come back to a nearly-dead character, because not only will you get thrown out of the store, but the timer will keep on ticking, sapping your precious hearts while you DARE to go and attend to your real-life business.

It gets worse, though. BELIEVE ME it gets worse.

So, you're on a time limit and you want to grind a bit to get money for items. You'd think there'd be some method of refilling the timer without sacrificing one of your hearts, wouldn't you? Well, lucky for you, there is!

Stores like this one will sell you ale or mead to refill your timer, give you some health back, and prompt the barman to give you some vital information for finishing the chapter, such as the answer to a question asked later on, or the boss's location or weakness. So that's alright, isn't it? You can just go out, kill some enemies, collect their gold, and spend some of it on refilling your timer every minute or so, kind of like a much faster version of the "fight, gain money, and use a portion of it to rest up in order to fight some more" mechanic used in so many classic RPGs.

BUT GUESS WHAT?

THAT FUCKING STORE CLOSES TOO. You only get to go in there like twice, three times tops before it's barricaded up forever and you can never get back in. So there goes your last hope of being able to gain money sustainably for better equipment.

As a side note, the FAQ I referred to mentioned something interesting. The game has certain spots, completely unmarked, where jumping will cause a bag of 10 or so gold to materialise out of thin air. So if you're willing to read the FAQ for every single screen of the game and jump on all of them, you might have enough gold for the best shit, but otherwise you're just screwed. The FAQ also reccomended some tourneyfag technique for "waggling" back and forth over these spots to cause a glitch where the same spot gives out gold many times in a row, but screw doing that. If you even NEED to do that, that's bad game design, isn't it?

Anyway, those of you who know this game will know that I've been talking about the second level here. Well, the first REAL level, since level 1 is so short and easy. Of course, I got further in the game than this. Let's talk about something that happens later on.

So here I am on level god-knows-what. I can't seem to find this level in any FAQ, probably because I took some weird route that went over the clouds to some southern island. As you can see, I have more hearts, my equipment is better, blah blah. So I'm going through this level merrily...

... when I come to this. An enemy in an unhittable position that swoops down and hit me as I jump on small platforms over lava.

Sure enough, just like every old game designed to frustrate you, you also jump back a million miles whenever you get hit. Fortunately, I didn't land on the lava. Even if I did, though, it wouldn't be that much of a problem, because all the lava does is make you lose one heart and give you that just-hit period of invulnerability. In fact, I passed this section by deliberately getting hurt and using that period to just walk over the lava to the other side.

So, here I am at the boss door to this round. I've been knocking on it, but it just won't let me in. This is fairly normal because in Wonder Boy in Monster Land, you need to collect the key from somewhere in the level in order to get through the boss door. That's pretty standard stuff, and a lot of great games past and present have used the same mechanic. One of the previous levels in this game sent you past the locked door once in order to swim under the small island you were just on, collect the key in the water, and circle back to the door to unlock it.

Unfortunately, the right hand side of this screen is a dead end, and there are no pits in the floor or stairs to climb that could take me to other location. This level DID consist of a lot of areas, though, so I probably missed the key in one of those, yeah? I should go back and get it.

BUT WHAT'S THIS? I can't go left back out of this cave and into the previous area. In fact, I can't go ANYWHERE. There are no hidden doors or routes that I can find, and I've jumped in every spot to try and find some of those retarded hidden things. No, I'm just STUCK here with a steadily decreasing timer and a bunch of respawning enemies that take like 5 hits to kill, hovering directly over lava. And because this game doesn't save data to an internal battery or use a password system or anything remotely logical, my only choice is to RESET THE ENTIRE GAME AND TRY AGAIN FROM THE BEGINNING.

WHO THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA? This game is complete and utter tripe. I've suffered through some terrible shit for my play-every-series-in-order fixation, but this really does take the cake. Thankfully it's mercifully short, so I don't have to deal with it for like 30 hours of my life like I did with Final Fantasy II, but it's like every little aspect of this game was made specifically to irritate the player. Some games do that well, like the classic Megaman games. Hell, there was an indie game created in recent years - I Wanna Be The Guy - which was designed as a homage to the intense difficulty and unfair bullshit that those games pulled, and it's actually pretty fun to play.

But Wonder Boy in Monster Land is not fun in any of those ways. In fact, it's just not fun at all. Its nostalgic retro charm is completely negated by its utter unplayability, piss-poor design and terrible execution. It's not even "so terrible it's fun to play" like Bible Adventures or Superman 64. It just sucks, I'm sorry I've wasted my time playing it, and I'm even MORE sorry that I'm going to force myself to finish this fucking thing in order to work up to Monster World's better installments.

DO NOT MIX ALCOHOLS.

Apparently, I neglected to impart that hard earned wisdom on WB.

WB gave me a cute card that went something along the lines of "Another birthday?  Jeez!  What are you, 31? 32?"  Love that boy dearly for shaving 6+ years off.  He also bought me a gift card to the local book store.

The week end was busy, what with work, birthday dinners and trying to get as much bought for University today as possible.  WB and I managed to spend 3 hours shopping without an argument or me losing my mind.  Maybe he is growing up?  Or maybe I'm getting too old to care.

We bought a bed in a bag ($50!), 2 pillows, 20 pairs of underwear and socks, 4 shirts, $60 worth of toiletries, a new laptop bag and school supplies.  My Visa is more than a little worse for wear.

WG is up north visiting with her Aunt, Uncle and cousins.  She will be there for a couple weeks.  If I was ever questioning our decision to take custody of her, that all went up in smoke when I opened my email this morning.  She had sent me the following:

"Josie, thank you for giving me the best summer of my life.  Camp was awesome and I made so many new friends.  I can't wait to move in and paint my room with you.  Thank you for loving my dad and accepting me."

Tears folks.

I hope the men in this house are ready for the shift in hormones.

I checked and I had 5 text messages from WB.  This is odd in that with him at camp, I rarely hear from him.  As I started reading the text's, my phone started to ring.  My mother.  First thought "He's hurt.  Someones died."  I know, I shouldn't think the worse, but I'm a Mom and 2000km away from her youngin.

Me: What's up Mom?

Mom:  Something is wrong with WB.  He showed up on my door step an hour ago and says he's taking the rest of the week off camp.  He says you'll tell me what's wrong.

Me:  Well I have a bunch of texts from him that I haven't read.  Is he bleeding or sick?

Mom:  No.  Just very quiet.

Me:  Give me 10 and I'll call you back.

So, I read the text messages.  To summarize:  WB and Kelsi broke up.  He was the breaker.  Apparently they had been fighting for the past couple weeks.  The crux of the matter?  Her insecurities and possessiveness.  They both work at the same camp and if she saw him talking to a female counsellor, she grilled him about it.  WB is not a fighter and not a big talker.

The keeper line from all the text msgs though?  "Can you pls tell the females in this family.  I am male and feel no need to rehash my feelings fifteen times over."  Classic.  WB is the first male on my family's side in 20 years.

So, I called my Mom.  Told her what the deal was and to leave him to his own devices and not push the issue.  Called my sister who was texting me frantically about WB at this point.  Her response?  "I am sure he is heartsick over this and time will heal."  He's 18.  Not 35 being taken for everything he has by a starter wife.  Drama apparently is in the genes.

Then the text msgs from the now ex GF started.  What do you do with those?  We had a semi relationship, nothing concrete.  No girls day out.  In an act of cowardice I told her I was out of town and didn't know what she was talking about.

Seriously.  I was on my phone for an hour due to my now adult son breaking up with his girlfriend.  I mentioned I had a son right?  Less drama apparently.  Love to see what went on at her house.

So then WB, the break uper calls her to make sure she's ok.  Then texts me because she hung up on him.  We had to do a session of Break Up 101 on the Convention floor.  How, unless she calls you after you break up with her - stay as far away as humanly possible.  Dude - you BROKE UP with her.

Then I had a glass of wine.

And then....I received pics of him with his new GF.  That would be the blonde in the photos on the previous post.  Boys are easier my ASS.

Honestly....I won't survive WG and boyfriends.  I won't.

Second - Cooter's is a Duke's of Hazzard museum on a strip of road in the middle of bum f*ck nowhere.  The only thing beside it was a liquor store (thank god for low priced vodka and yes I smuggled more than I should've home) and an Elvis museum.

The bouncer?  He worked at the Coyote Ugly we went to Thursday night and was hilarious.  He looks all mean and scary but throw him a smile, a "Hey handsome" and he was putty in your hands:)  Helped me up and off the bar more times than i care to admit.

As I am still swimming under a mountain of work from being gone for over a week, I give you a photo montage of WB busy at work.  Depending on how long you've been stopping by, you may notice some similarities between this year and last year.  Same tongue out poses, different swim trunks.  My child, he is predictable.

Yes, I have officially lost it.

When WB called Wednesday night to say he wanted to come home for the weekend I was ecstatic.  When he asked if the GF could come...lost a little bit of the excitement.  We talked about it and if she couldn't come, due to logistics for a camp party Friday night, he was going to forgo the party and stay at her place.

I haven't seen my kid since the end of June.  I know I need to get use to this, as he is leaving for University but I'm not there yet.  It's like I need to see him more because I know he'll be gone in 34 days for good.

So, my child is cohabitating with his GF in my house.  Rhino has advised me to deal with it already - they'd be doing it no matter where they slept.

I'm dealing alright.  With Green Apple vodka.

He was horseplaying with his Aunt (whose only 13 herself) when he landed wrong on his arm. He kept crying "My arm, my arm" but it was anywhere from his upper arm to his wrist. We would get him calmed down but then we would shift him in our laps and he would start crying again. He would not lift it or wiggle his fingers for us. He didn't even want to eat dinner, even though he was just telling us he was hungry. After 30 - 45 minutes and a dozen different bribes to try and get him to use his arm, we decided we better get it checked out. So we loaded up the car with all of us, no-one wanted to wait at home, and off we went. He wouldn't even walk for us so I carried him in to the ER and with a calm voice said, "I think we have an injured arm." They took us in and after the nurse, resident and a doc checked him, they decided it would be best to x-ray it!

Of course I felt that only his mommy could make him feel better so I had to carry him all the way to the x-ray room. They leaded me up and covered his little pelvic area and started taking pictures. It was hard to explain that he had to lay still while picture were being taken, especially since he didn't want his 'picture' taken, he was in pain. But he did really well and the tech came over with stickers of Thomas the train. I knew there was definitely something wrong when he wouldn't even grab them!

Well an HOUR later the doctor finally comes in and tells us the x-rays were normal. Then he walks over to Wonder Boy and as he is reaching for him says, 'Let me just try . . . . ' and then he says. 'That's what I thought, it's popped back in.'

ME: "What's popped in? WHAT'S POPPED IN??"

Apparently his elbow what slightly dislocated. He cried a little and then was absolutely fine! He wanted to walk around, he was giving Daddy high-fives, he was looking in cabinets. He did a complete 180 from how he was just a minute ago. It was a freakin miracle! Thank goodness we took him to the ER, I had no clue that he dislocated his elbow.

We were sent home with instructions to try and ice it over the next couple of days and give him Tylenol or IBuprofren when needed. We need to take it easy over the next two weeks and try and not let him fall or get pulled by his arm. But he's doing great. And this morning when I asked him how is arm was, he patted it and said, "Feel better". And he's been playing normally all day.

I tell ya, how quickly kids bounce back!

We decided to start it off lite and took a train ride.  Well he liked it so much he wanted to go again, but right then and there, not wanting to wait in line.  He also really didn't understand the line concept.  After much kicking and screaming, Grandmom took him back on while we got food.  After eating we headed to the smaller rides.

He loved the bumper cars, ball crawl, not so much the Carousel, we had to move him from a moving horse to a stand still one.  He also did not like the moon bounce.  As soon as someone jumped he freaked out.  He loved the remote boats that you control with a wheel.  And we took a ride in the Antique Cars.  He was tall enough for the log flume and we talked about it and showed him the ride.  He wanted to go on, and he waited great in line.  But as soon as I tried putting him in the log with me, he freaked out and they told me I had to get off since he wouldn't sit nicely.  So my mom and sister got stuck on it because they don't stop the boats and I had to quickly jump off and they didn't have a chance to get off.

We ended up spending about 6 1/2 hours there and it was enough for a tired 2 year old.  We were in the car about 2 minutes before he was out cold.  We took lots of pics but of course they are still in the camera.  I definitely cannot wait until they are a little older and I can take them on the roller coasters with me and we'll leave grumpy at home!

In the food arena, I have managed 2 pieces of toast with peanut butter, 2 individual yogurts and a salad.  I know this sounds like nothing but when you've been surviving off 500 calories a day for over a month - this is what's filling.  And nothing hurt!  Oh, and a coffee!!!  I have missed my coffee.  So have my co workers:)

The wanker still refuses to find the time in his schedule to discuss my flex time in lieu of a raise, so I have just started coming in at 8am, working thru lunch (the norm) and leaving between 4 and 4:30.  Nothing has been said and I'm 3 days in.  I'm beginning to think he's a little passive aggressive.

I leave for Nashville in 11 days for our Convention.  I hate this time of year.  Swamped with last minute stuff, daily workload, trying to get everything together to go, planning...too much!

And a priceless WB moment.  He called me at work and the following leaves me slightly afraid for his future:

WB:  My phone won't turn on.

Me:  How are you calling me then?

WB:  From my cell (inferred "DUH").

Me:  But you said it wouldn't turn on.

WB:  It won't.  It's gone wonky.

Me:  If it won't turn on, how are you calling me from it? (thinking either I'm dumb or he is).

WB:  UGGH.  From my cell.  It wouldn't turn on even though I kept pressing the button.  Then it did.

Me:  Did you punch a different button the last time?

WB:  ......oh.  Maybe.

Me:  I told you not to spend so much time out in the heat without a hat.  Go sit in the shade and drink some water.  And maybe ask one of the 6 year old kids to show you how to turn on your phone.

WB:  No love.

Me:  Miss you.  Or not.

I convinced her to buy some capris and tops, as well as some cute sandals.  To say WG was overwhelmed by everything was evident when she started to cry in one of the change rooms.  After sniffing back a few tears myself and giving her a quick hug, I told her to suck it up as we were burning day light.  I do believe I am already falling in love with this young lady.

Sunday was my Mom's 65th party at my place and was fun but tiring.  Do you know how annoying it is to make food you can't eat?  Very!  Everyone had a fantastic time and my Mom was beyond happy that we went to the "trouble" for her.  Spare me.  If we hadn't I never would of heard the end of it:)

WG was invited and came for about two hours.  She seemed overwhelmed by my family at first - which is any sane person's initial reaction to the craziness - but she eventually found a niche pushing WB's buttons.  Honestly, the ease with which she is fitting in with us astounds me.  And reconfirms my earlier feelings - she is a part of our family regardless.

Today has been chaotic.  I had to work, find the time to finish getting WB ready to leave for camp at 5pm and wait on pins and needles for the DNA results.  Sadly, we won't know till tomorrow.

WB has opted to spend this week at camp for training and come home Friday night.  He wants to be here for my surgery on Monday, help with reorganzing living space if needed and/or spend some time with Rhino if he is moving.  That's right, if he moves.  Everything is on hold right now while we wait.

And tonight I am addressing all my sister's wedding invitations.  Yes, I'm a sucker.  150 wedding invitations and reply cards to address by Wednesday.  May require some vodka.

I have officially booked my surgery for June 30th.  In and out the same day which makes me very happy.  On my arse at home for the remainder of the week and then back to the office.  I say back to the office, as I will be working from home Wed thru Friday.

WB has his last day of school tomorrow and then exams start on Thursday.  He will officially be done high school at 11:30am Monday June 23rd.  On the road to this momentous day, my dining room table has been overrun with pop cans, junk food wrappers, crumpled balls of paper, text books, assorted scientific calculators and electronic gadgets.  This is how my son studies.  I wish I had a door to shut so I didn't have to look.

On the 24th he is officially off to camp for the summer and other than the occaisional weekend, will not be back till August 23rd.  And then a week later - off to University.

Our 2 COO's are here from the US and one of them is quite out spoken.  In front of the wanker, the following has been said:

"I understand Josie is the glue that holds this office together."

"I often say, if the wanker is to be congratulated for something - Josie probably did it."

"We'll find out in 2 weeks if wanker can hold it together without Josie to hold his hand."

I think I love this man:)

Although he has been quick to point out I was apprehensive about him moving to Kingston for school (not that far from Ottawa for my US friends) and now that's where I'm going.  I was doubly quick to point out that as a parent it's "Do as I say, not as I do."  Yeah right.

Alison, I will bring my own vodka hon.  No worries:)  Mim- pizza/bbq definitely.  Jen - hang onto the Toronto Guide books, I'll still be here then and can't wait:)

On an unexpected side note, my 2 month late review has been scheduled for early next week.  By me?  No, when I asked it was a "trivial matter he had no time for."  It was scheduled by the wanker.  Coinciding visit the following day by the big guys from the US an incentive?  I think so.

Bell Canada?  Our "major" phone company here?  Needs to kiss my ass.  Lost 3 hours of my life today trying to transfer our Business lines successfully.  At one point had no phones.  At another, no ability to send out a fax.  This shouldn't be this hard.  Really.

Rhino needs to stop sending me MLS listings of homes in Ottawa.  All I'm wanting to do is reno mine.  Which brings the bigger issue I just realized - I have to sell my house if I move.  Yes, I totally forgot that fact.

Tomorrow?  A wonderful story of a long suffering mother of an 18yr old and his back ass version of reality.

Yes, our oldest sleeps with us.  He's two and my husband, and I quote, "Likes sleeping with his little buddy."  I don't really care but I know it's going to be harder and harder to get him into his own bed when the time comes.

But back to puke fest.  So I yell at my hubby, who's still fast asleep to wake up, our son's throwing up and he needs to turn the light on.  Before I knew what was happening my son was sitting in the bathtub crying and my hubby was walking out telling me to go in there and clean him up, he'd take care of the bed.  I just looked at him and told him that he couldn't have at least talked to our son and showed a little compassion.  I found out a bit later that he was a bit grumpy because  apparently he didn't believe me that our son was sick so he stuck his hand out first and put it in a pile of puke.

There I am stripping and bathing our crying, shaking, helpless little boy while hubby was finding his wits and changing the bed sheets and starting a load of laundry.   Puke is never fun to cleanup especially when it is remnants from dinner which we had eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns and milk.  It took a lot in me not to throw up!  Eggs do not smell good coming out!

We all got cleaned up and changed and climbed back into bed when round two began.   Yup, he threw up on our clean sheets!  So I go and clean him up again, luckily we didn't need another bath, and hubby's changing the sheets.  This time we're a little smarter and put towels down.

Ding - ding let round three begin.  I's now 3:30 in the morning but we definitely have our game faces on and we catch it all on the towels.  We go back to the bathroom and try our best to rinse out the mouth and clean our face and hands.  Set up new towels on the bed and climb back in.

Just when we think it's over, our son climbs out of bed, hubby jumps up to follow and he goes into the bathroom and starts throwing up in the bathtub.  Then he sneezed and out came eggs from his nose.  Oh so gross!  But you can't react too much because you don't need the crying to start again.  After they're all cleaned up and back into bed, he climbs into my arms and passed out within a minute; at 4 in the morning.  He had nothing left.  And thankfully he stayed asleep until I woke him a little after 10:30 this morning.

We've eaten some toast, drank some juice water (water with a splash of juice) and laid on the couch watching Cars.  He is now playing on the floor with his cars and I have a screaming two month old on my lap.  It never ends, does it?

It's not all about control, more I've been solely responsible for WB and I for so long.........I don't know how to let someone else take "the reins."  And Rhino doesn't want control so much as to offer me the luxury of not having to work multiple jobs to pay the bills and to take the time to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Rhino's right in that WB will be off making his own life.  My Mom's right in that now is the time for me to have my own life.  Everyone is right in that it's a 4 hr drive away.

And the fantasies of telling the wanker?  Of only giving the legally required 2 weeks, even though I would know long before hand?  Lovely.  Absolutely lovely.

Things are still in early negotiations but suffice it to say, they are swaying towards a move.  A move.  Not a wedding, a move.  Baby steps people.

And Rhino, if you're reading this?  You still have some selling to do, so don't think you've won.

A walk in the park.

My oldest trying to make a funny face.

My youngest hanging out in the car seat at the park.

Today when I told him who his father really is.

I'm kidding!! I was trying to make him smile and when the camera's first flash went off, this is the face he gave me! To think the last two pics are only a week apart.

Wonder Boy in Monster Land is easily the best 1980s platformer not starring a fat, little, Italian guy.  It deserves all the praise that its sequel instead receives and then some.  If you've ever wondered what it would feel like to play a 1980s Mario game infused with a big dose of Zelda then you can stop wondering.  It's all here, including all the jumping, swordplay, hidden items, magic spells and octopi that you can handle.

Like Super Mario Bros. and its NES sequels, WBIML must be played in one sitting, with a limited number of lives.  Actually, the number of lives is REALLY limited.  You begin the game with a single life refreshing potion and unless you can locate one of the very few others hidden throughout the game, that's all the lives you'll get.  To complete the game you will traverse about a dozen levels of medium length, so most of the playing time comes from finding out just how you're supposed to make it through.  Thankfully, everything about the game encourages extended playing sessions. 

WBIML features great character designs and a very colorful presentation.  The music is worthy of special mention, featuring several hummable melodies, many unique to certain stages.  Managing your money and resources has a certain addictive quality.  It took me many attempts to make it all the way through this game.  After each failed attempt I fumed for a few moments and then jumped right back in, eager to improve on my last attempt. 

The only real drawback to the game is the final castle, an almost ridiculously labyrinthine deathtrap eager to undo all the good you've managed to in all the previous levels.  There are some very specific items that will help you here, requiring a trade-up system throughout the game, a concept explored in much-later Zelda titles. 

WBIML is short but will require many hours to actually complete.  The platforming action is reminiscent of Super Mario and the RPG-like item management was well ahead of its time in a game of this nature.  So do yourself a favor and give it a shot.

Grade: A
Personal Conclusion: loved it

My favourite cousin's wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer.  I was one of her bridesmaid's.  He is as close to a brother as you can get.  I thought I was okay till I talked to Mike (my cousin) and he started crying.  The man is a Staff Sergeant with his local police force, a member of the SWAT team and in tears.  Breaks my heart.

My godson, who I had on the weekend, has been diagnosed with a heart problem I don't totally understand and need to research.  It's very hard to believe that this active, rambunctious 2 year old has any health problems.

WB is all better and planning life after high school - Countdown 20 days.

I am ok.  No more vodka, all fruits and vegetables.  Any dairy, meat, etc causes blinding pain - so I am unfortunately a vegetarian.  No coffee, no black tea, no chocolate, no dairy, no meat....no fun.  I am grumpy.

Aren't you glad you stopped by?

Speaking of the Wii, here are the four Wii games I currently have:

• Wii Sports (got to bowl and golf)
• Super Paper Mario
• Geometry Wars: Galaxies
• Dragon Quest: Swords

The Virtual Console games I currently have are:

• Ninja Gaiden (NES) - 2nd best NES game, ever!
• Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos (NES) - best NES game, ever!
• Zanac (NES) - best classic shmup ever!
• Fantasy Zone (Sega Master System)
• Super Mario Bros. 2: The Lost Levels (Famicom)
• Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES)
• Devil's Crush (TurboGrafx-16) - best video pinball game ever!
• Dragon's Curse (TurboGrafx-16) - the TurboGrafx-16 port of the great Sega Master System game Wonder Boy III: The Dragon's Trap

Instead of staying home last night, WB attended Orientation night for the camp counsellors.  He choose not to eat the pizza as his stomach was still iffy.  Yes, this would make you think he is acting as a smart adult.  The next will not.  He ate a whole slice of baked bean and corn pie topped with whipped cream.  Why?  It was a dare.  Needless to say, the boy is still not all that well today.

Proof the Wanker is out to drive me insane:

He has been back from vacay since Wednesday and has still not spoken to me, other than by email.  And those are just to ask me to take care of things for him.  Did I mention there is only 4 people in our office on a regular basis?  Or that I saved his ass while he was away and he thanked someone else for it?  Or that my review is officially 2 months overdue and he still has "no time for such trivial matters"?  Or that he was late his first day back, left for lunch and never came back?  I could be a VP.  Honest.  At half the price.

Proof my Mother has multiple personalities:

Last week she was in the office yelling at me and this week?  Dropping off herbal remedies everyday for my Gall Bladder and to make sure I'm okay.  Just for the record - we have not spoken since last Tuesday when I told her she couldn't come into my place of work and treat me like I was 13.

Proof the Dr's may be a little wrong:

Had a green apple vodka and soda tonight.  No pain.  Alcohol and soda are no no's.  I may have found the cure:)

Proof I'm insane:

I have a 2yr old and 5 month old from 2pm Friday till noon Sunday.  No wonder WB and Rhino are leaving town.

Proof its love:

Rhino is home tonight and leaving tomorrow for a week up North with the boys.  It will involve fishing, portaging, drinking, eating lots of meat, drinking, poker, fishing, drinking...you get the picture.  I packed his stuff for him tonight and as he gets home next Saturday, 18 hours before having to fly back to Vancouver - I promised I would do his laundry.  The stench rivals that of a hockey bag.  Yep, its love.

Before the plague came to visit, I was lucky enough to stand up and promise to be this lovely little girl's godmother:

Her parents happen to be two of my favourite people in the whole wide world and the parents of my godson:

And here is what is being called the picture of Mike with his 2 wives but which I'm calling the absolute worst picture ever taken of me ever - and that's saying something.

Not too sure when my arms got that pasty and big, nor do I know why I look constipated.....sigh.

First incident:

The day WB went to Guelph for Science Orientation day, he went with his ex, as she is in the same program.  WB was honest and upfront with Kelsi, who is fully aware they are still friends and has met the ex.

When WB came home he was bouncing off of walls with excitement about his new school, the labs, the people and yes - the girls.  His whole face was lit up as he rambled on about science stuff that just numbs my brain.  When Kelsi called, his whole demeanor changed.  He was subdued, dismissed the day as "ok" and changed the subject.

This shit pisses me off.  He shouldn't have to downplay anything that he loves for someone who supposedly loves and cares for him.  I get she may be a bit jealous but come on.  WB may look - he is 18 but he doesn't mess around, nor does he intentionally hurt people.  I want to smack him and give her hell.

Second Incident:

She chose the same University as WB.  Why?  Not who offered her scholarship money.  Not a campus more suited to her choice of majors.  So she can "keep an eye on him".  Her words, not mine.

I don't even know where to go with this.  So many things race thru my head and none are good.

Third incident:

She threw a fit at the formal last week because WB danced with another girl - who he has known since Grade 2.  Nothing to say to this because I'm seeing red just typing it again.

All in all, I have to bite my tongue.  It's none of my business until it starts to intrude on school or his well being.  What I really want to do?  Sit her ass down and tell her what life is like outside of high school and she may want to let the trivial/controlling shit go now if she wants to be happy.  Oh, and maybe grow up???

Why?  Several things.

My Mom and I are in the middle of the ultimate smackdown and I'm trying to be the big person, but damn.  When you stop by my office to continue the fight in person - you have CROSSED A LINE.

The wanker managed to screw something up so bad, my head is still spinning.  Oh and he's on Holidays.

I am biting my tongue about WB's girlfriend and her actions of late.  I have to keep chanting "Their brains don't fully mature till 25.  Their brains don't fully mature till 25."  Not really working.

I had to transfer $3500 from my savings to WB's University today.  I think my heart may have stopped for a minute and I don't believe I have fully recovered.

I have a wedding and a christening this week end plus I work till midnight tomorrow at the pub.  Do I have gifts?  Do I know what I'm wearing?  Nada on both.

And other small, everyday annoyances.

My head hurts.  Off to drink Green Apple Stoli and watch Grey's.

We spent over two hours in the mall with only Starbucks to fortify us.  And don't even think of harping at me about low blood sugar levels and how we should've eaten.  I was NOT stopping in the hunt for a jacket, shirt and tie.  You stop, you lose momentum.  And you miss Grey's Anatomy.

Did we leave with all we needed?  No.  As evidenced in the pictures in the previous post, no jacket.  The reasons for this are threefold.

1.  WB is a 42 Tall.  In the shoulders and arms only.  The kid requires major alterations on the body of the jacket to fit his body better.  Otherwise?  Looks like he weighs about 250 pounds.  And with only that evening to get a jacket, alterations were out of the question.

2.  Various comments made by WB to test my near breaking patience.  Here are a few:

"Am I suppose to look like you're laying me out in a coffin in about 5 minutes?"

"I look like a douchebag."

"This is stupid." - Said more times than I care to remember.

"Get the guy with the tape measure away from me or I string him up with it."

3.  The admittance by WB that he has an idea in his head of what he wants but in all reality, "it probably doesn't exist Mom."   This comment was worth a glass of wine alone.

At 7:30pm I stopped asking him his opinion and just picked a shirt and tie.  Oh and 3 new pairs of dress socks as his others have gone missing.  WTF???  And even though he tried, white gym socks were not an acceptable option.....have I inadvertently raised a hillbilly?

We could conceivably go back to the same mall, try on one of the same jackets again and VOILA!!!  A jacket WB loves.  Why?  Because my son is NEUROTIC about clothing.

The evening did not end when we got home though.  After 2 glasses of wine and some fetal position rocking in the corner, it suddenly dawned on me.  I don't know how to tie a tie......neither does WB.  DAMN RHINO for being 3000 km away. Yes, I was a being somewhat irrational - Your point???

How did we resolve this?  GOOGLE.  There are videos on the internet that demonstrate the how to.  Love these people who think of everything.

The end result?  WB looked handsome on Friday, jacket or not.

The long term effect?  Rhino is now responsible for shopping with WB for a suit for my sister's wedding in September.  I suggest they get to it - only 4 months to go.