And I have the entire afternoon alone at home for cleaning and cooking and preparing for shabat. No kids to stumble upon.. no screaming, no begging, no small fingers to keep away from the stove, no stolen oven mittens, no fighting in the kids' room, no small (or big) feet making new footprints where I just cleaned, no kid that badly needs to pee when I just got started cleaning the toilet, no baby freaked out by the vacuum cleaner, no comments on every single move I make, no questions about how and when and what and why, no hubby trying to hug me when I'm in the most tricky part of the recipe, no baby sitting under the table eating dry macaroni and nasty bread crumbs (and crayons and small suspicious pieces of plastic).

I love to hear the voices in my head again!!

Don't take me wrong.. I love my family! But it's just SO nice to have one afternoon alone.. to be able to do all these things without "help". And there is SO much more energy left when the evening comes..

"Restaurant owner" is just another way of saying "cheap labor." Recently I have become the full time janitor at my restaurant. It is a long story but lets just say I am mopping floors and cleaning toilets again. It had been a few decades since I was doing that sort of shit but here I am trying to save us a few bucks by picking up cleaning duties. I have previously remarked on how totally fucked up your bathroom habits are in an earlier post. Now that I am the head janitor I can confirm more clearly how pathetic you really are when it comes to going to the fucking toilet.....especially my toilet.

Now everyone knows that the dudes have a problem with the toilet seat; put it up they forget to put it back down, leave it down they piss all over it like it's on fucking fire or something. Everyone knows that about dudes. But let's talk about chicks man. Ladies, ladies, ladies, if you are going to "hang glide" you have got to work on your mother fucking aim with that thing of yours. I know it ain't no hose and it just kind of sprays everywhere but seriously you make the biggest fucking mess of all. Plus, you have all that lady plumbing stuff going on. Which, by the way, the Health Department requires us to have a separate trash can with a lid on it for. Then you go and still just toss that shit in the toilet or in the regular lidless can like everyone really wants to see that bloody mess while they are having their goddamn dinner. So ladies, I hate to be the one to break it to you but you are ten times as dirty in the bathroom as the dudes. The good news for you is that you have an excuse, sort of, what with your monthly visitor and the lack of hose apparatus. So dudes don't get all superior acting and shit because we are built for good aim and we don't menstruate so we have no excuse. All and all, both the girls and the boys need to work on their fucking toilet technique. Take it from a restaurant owner janitor you all suck ass when it comes to using my restrooms....tbc

The control allows you to control the flow rate and temperature. It can also command other faucets networked to the device.

Check out more of this extravagent stuff here

Remember the woman who was literally stuck to a toilet seat?  Her boyfriend, Kory McFarren, just won $20,000 in the lottery.  For the second time in a year.

Yep.  No Karma.  Kathy Thompson thinks that karma just goofed but I'm pretty sure this is definitive proof against karma.

I am actually in Japan for a conference. In 2001, I lived for a short while in Tokyo, and the toilet experiences were always funny. But the 2008 Japanese Toilets are even better. Fully electronic with screen on the wall to control the functions.

- Bidet function for Man

- Bidet function for Woman (with special oscilation of the water)

- Temperature, soft or strong jet

- Music

- Heater

- Hight

I want the same one @ home!!!

Cheers

The most common replacement items are the vanity, sink and toilet.  Each one of these items come in a wide range of styles, colors and prices.

Even a simple remodeling project can get expensive quickly if you don't plan it out.

Call me today and I can help you through the planning process and provide you with a quote that I will stand behind 100%.

Gary Groce - 972-904-2134

But anyway this really takes the cake.  I have to wonder what is in store for this guy's future. Dlisted  ran this story this morning --

The Toilet Lady's Boyfriend Won The Lottery!

Kory McFarren, the dude who left his girlfriend stuck on the toilet seat for a long ass time, has won the Kansas State Lottery! If you've been stuck a toilet seat yourself for the past few months and have no idea what I'm talking about, then click here, here and here to get updated. It's a sordid tale.

So... Kory cashed in his winning $2 Bonus Crossword ticket for $20,000 yesterday. Get this shit. This is the second time he's won the lottery in the past year. Kory's got lady luck stuck to his ass cheeks.

Who knows if Kory and Toilet Lady are still together. She was released from the hospital a few months ago after being stuck to a toilet seat for at least a month. Last I heard, Toilet Lady is living with some guardian and legally is only allowed to pee while squatting over the toilet. I'm joking about that last part.

In July, Kory was sentenced to six months probation after he pleaded no contest to being a dumb fuck for allowing his girlfriend to live in the bathroom for 2 years.

Kory should take that $20,000 and buy Toilet Lady a pair of shiny new ass cheeks. Then he should use the rest to buy a fucking clue.

Thanks Susan

Do you guys have weird "talents"? Mine is always choosing the booth that has no toiletpaper, so I get stuck... Either I have to wait for someone else to come in, so I can ask them for toiletpaper, or I have to surrender to the embaresment of having to call out to anybody else present in the Ladies' room...

Another one is always choosing the slowest road after having said that I know a shortcut. It almost never fails! And it of course always happen, when I really want to prove that women are just as good as men with the whole "which road to take" thing.

And a final confession... I am CRAP at assemblying furniture. I NEVER bother to read the instructions, and I have not yet put together a piece of furniture together precisely like it's suppose to... So beware if you come to my place... Especially on the dining chairs...

Enter Kory McFarren, a 37-year old from Great Bend, Kansas.  He has just won $20,000 in the Kansas Lottery... for the second time this year.  Most people who play the lottery never win any appreciable amount, so what is Mr. McFarren's secret?  Well, perhaps his girlfriend, Pam Babcock, is his lucky charm.  You may recall that the pair made news over the summer when Mr. McFarren called 911 to report that Ms. Babcock wouldn't leave the bathroom, which she had been in for over six months.  When emergency responders arrived, they found that she had become physically attached to the toilet, which had adhered to sores on her body.  (She was hospitalized and released after several months of treatment, which hopefully went beyond the merely physical aspects of her condition and into mental health areas.)

Hopefully Mr. McFarren is not prone to superstition formation and is a critical thinker, though if he lets his girlfriend litterally grow into his toilet one must be skeptical of his ability to be skeptical.  In any event, hopefully neither he nor anyone else forms a connection between allowing a loved one to become physically attached to a toilet and winning the lottery.  Law enforcement officials, especially in Kansas, may want to keep an eye out for folks who suddenly start buying lots of lottery tickets: they may be locking loved ones in their bathrooms!

Neatniks! Come home, It's Clean!

Call (414) 745-6532

in the greater Milwaukee area

I just wanted to take the time to say, "Thanks." I've noticed that you really haven't been using me too much, and I couldn't be happier. I'm sure its because of all the other important things you have to worry about; work, kids, school, meals, etc. Of course, the house is looking a little unkempt.

Instead of using me, why don't you relax and let the professionals at NeatNiks! clean the house for you? You could go out, relax, or spend more time with the family! Let them use their sponges!

They give free estimates, too! I looked up their number for you. Its (414) 745-6532. Call today! And, thanks again.

Your sponge

Oh wow! its like being inside Mr. Blobby! The Ocreworks is a relatively new and very pleasant bar/restaurant/mini venue in Dalston. The decor is highly imaginative and unusual throughout the place (great duck themed artwork in the bar) and the bogs are no exception.

The pink theme is continued into the cublicles, which are plainer, but smart and stylish, and although you can't really see it in the photo there is a towel dispenser! hooray! no stupid noisy hand dryers!

And check it out, this is the one differentiation between the ladies and gents:

Ah! a lovely pink kiss on the door! Apologies for photo quality, I'd filled my bladder with a few (very reasonably priced) Peronis in preparation for this visit, and didn't realise my camera was on some kind of manual-blur-anti-focus setting which I hadn't realised existed.

So, generally a great blog in a lovely bar (manned by very lovely barstaff too by the way!) and an extra point for having a peg on the back of the door. Always a plus I find for keeping your bag/coat/handbag dog from getting grubby. Or if you liked you could completely remove your trousers and pants, hang them up out of harms way and pee nude from the waist down.. whatever floats one's boat..

Thank you!

http://www.ochreworks.co.uk/

Tak ada karcis, fasilitas toilet yang gak nyaman, kotor, pesing, dan air yang minim.

Yang jadi pertanyaan,
1. Pantaskah dengan uang Rp.1.000,- kita mendapat fasilitas toilet yang digambarkan seperti diatas??

2. Kemana larinya uang Rp.1.000,- yang kita bayarkan??
Apakah masuk ke pendapatan daerah?? Tapi kok gak ada karcis.

Kalo misalnya (di terminal neh critanya) ada 1.000 orang yang pipis di toilet dalam 1 hari, sudah pasti 1 juta rupiah masuk kantong.

Klo sebulan brati 30 juta ya...., wow...kalah tuh gaji PNS, he....

Kira-kira uang sebanyak itu kemana ya?? ada yang tau???

I spent some of the morning that followed in an irritated state of mind. The rain might have had something to do with this, but there were plenty of other factors too.

After I had stepped off the bus, and gone to the loo – strangely, Stacy O'Grady (who I mentioned yesterday) had asked me on the bus: "Do you have a daily poo?" What's that supposed to mean? – I went to my tutor group classroom, as I always do. When I arrived, a couple of most irritating chaps were there too. They were, for the purposes of this exercise, Billy Norman and Robert Simon. Tweedledum and Tweedledee, really. They were joined by another, weirder pairing: Glen Blake, a weedy little freckle-faced chap, described by some as a "mini Mark Stelter"; and Phillip Winton, a wobbling great whale of a lad, the most obese boy in the year group. Seeing the latter two together reminds me so much of the Mighty Boosh scene in which Vince is chin-wagging with a polar bear, whilst the former duo makes me sort of feel worried for the future of the human race.

The four imbeciles engaged in an orgy of chucking sweets at each other, as they often do. Phillip Winton sat silently – as he often does, having a speech impediment as well as rolls of fat – with his head in his arms.

Mark Stelter soon arrived. He was tired, as he often is. Among other things, he exchanged a few words with Messrs. Norman and Simon (who in real life have proper surnames, not forenames), about a particular young lady. From what I heard, she was someone of whom the three do not seem to approve. She is "ugly", apparently, and burst into tears when a certain chap expressed that he didn't want to "go out with her". All very well, but does seem fucking hypocritical when you take into account how Messrs. Norman, Simon and Stelter each make so many men look like Brad Pitt in comparison.

Quite reasonably, out of curiosity, I enquired who they were talking about. "You wouldn't know," said Stelter. I asked why. "You just wouldn't know." He then proceeded to tell me a couple more times, that I wouldn't know her, until I was forced to explain that I had heard him the first time. He muttered something about "stress".

I was feeling a bit irritable. These are likely incredibly uniteresting things to you, because they are. I'm coming accross as a spoilt, loathsome "douchebag". But that's hormones, innit?

Anyhow, I soon felt much happier, when I was sitting through an inspirational assembly. I spent the afternoon playing something that resembled badminton – a game involving about 20 people or so, on one court – and enduring the monotony that is ICT. Today has proved to have less examples of me being a twit, so be sure to come back for more tomorrow.

Humanity will finally tire of the need to evacuate their bowels, deeming it "gross" and "completely unsexy."

Scientists will be commissioned to create foods where every part of the food is used by the body when ingested, thus eliminating the need to eliminate.  Drinks of the same criteria will be created shortly after.

Without the need for a toilet anymore, people will convert the smallest room in the house into a departure and arrival bay for their particle transfer machines, the most popular form of transport of the time.

Oh, I'm fine, thanks.

Did you think i had abandoned this? If so, you're wrong.

This last week or so has been, interesting. I could go into detail, but right now...don't feel like it. SO. Instead, I'll give you the skinny version of what has happened in my life recently.

• Was used as an armrest to a drag queen
• Had "coke" (loose powder) snorted off my face by a different drag queen
• Spun around in my chair at work. A lot.
• Have not had any work to do. At work. A lot.
• Been the victim of blatant racism.
• Ran into an old co worker.
• Did NOT expose my nipples.
• Convinced a man that i was an engaged pilot with kids on the way.
• Had my car compared to Yoshi's go-cart (MarioKart).
• Flushed my phone down a toilet.

Yes, that's right. I did indeed flush my phone down a toilet. I didn't just drop it in. And no, it was not caused by being drunk. I had the phone in the right pocket of my zip-up, stood up, turned around to flush...and when i turned back around? The phone literally FLEW out of my pocket and dived right into the swirling pit of doom. The nefarious sewer demons of Grand Rapids are clearly out to get me.

And, being me...once the murkey waters of pre-flushed toilet cleared...what do you think i did? That's right, I rolled up my sleeve and shoved my arm as far into the toilet as i could. As i fished around for it...i just imagined how much poop, urine, and (possibly) semen had been flushed away and yanked my arm right back out. Then scrubbed it for the next five minutes.

but...MY PHONE ACTUALLY FLUSHED. It's roaming the sewer pipes and is making a break for Cuba.

Anyway.

Work and life have been kind of dull lately, and this lack of stimulation is making my brain die. As proof, here are a few messages/emails/quotes/txts/things-i-have-said:

Hey good lookin! I am just writing to ask what you have got cooking.

My brain just popped.

It's the hot pocket, in the hot pocket, of your hot pants.

I had a dream the other night that my eyes were bleeding, is that bad?

SPARKLES! BUTTERFLIES!

Let's buy lube!

Crying people are gross [as a person, crying for surely legitimate reasons walks past. I was unaware.]

as you can see. things have been exciting. Aren't you jealous?

i fuckin want this when we move in

-toilet

So. I came up with the idea of.. well, a dollar sign going into the toilet. We needed to write something on the toilet lid, and we needed it to make sense. So, WAR was stuck on it, seeming it's the biggest waste of money our country has right now. And thus, the WAR toilet was created.

<3 Vii