It was bound to happen. Larry Flynt and the Hustler team bring us "Nailin' Paylin" [sic], a new porno starring a faux Sarah Palin "nailing the Russians who come knocking on her back-door."

Added bonus: A three-way with "Hillary Clinton" and "Condoleezza Rice"

View NY Daily News Story

The Hustlers Convention album was a special project featuring Jalal of The Last Poets and various musicians who went on to form Kool & The Gang.

This song is beyond ridiculous and may be the first gangster rap song ever. Listen closely to every word.

"Sport" by Lightnin' Rod / Hustlers Convention

[audio http://businessclassnyc.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/08-sport.mp3]

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Sex, of course, is the reason you’re here, as your parents have undoubtedly said at some point while you, still a squeamish adolescent, covered your ears in horror. It is an act that bestows us with the gift of wet, veiny, bloody, screaming life, and it feels fucking terrific. So let’s skip the dim lighting and get down and dirty—let’s begin Discovery Channel-style:

HOW TO GET ‘EM

We’ll start by looking to the tried-and-true college mating rituals: the songs and dances of love, the Miller High Life swagger of jacked-up frat boys, the Smirnoff shrieks of sorority sisters unevenly colored by tanning beds, lips slick with fruit flavored lacquer. Observe the typical college dance-club: Boys get their one-dollar beers, girls who want to seem cool get their one-dollar beers, girls who want to seem hot and girly get their two-dollar screwdrivers and beg the poor, swamped bartender for little pink umbrellas. Females dance on each other to attract male attention, while the males lean against the bar, arms crossed, pondering their prey, their plans of attack.

I know when it is you pounce on your prey, you sneaky bastards; It is while she is stumbling around in her stilettos. But don’t feel as though you are entirely to blame.
In a brilliant scholarly essay in the Boink Book, The Mating Rituals of Choches and Sorostitues, Julianna notes that a college female will act much more drunk than she actually is, allowing the male to A), believe he has a good chance of bedding her, and thus will be more likely to try, and B), believe the female would not be so easy in sobriety, and will thus have a bit more respect for her. Through her satirically scientific lens, Julianna describes how you males go about wooing us on the dance floor:  Once the male is ready to make his move, he will “shuffle” up to the female and “[rub] his clothed genitals against the female’s clothed buttocks, either in or out of sync with the music.” You, my dear readers, may give this a go and see if it works for you, but let me just give you an idea of how awkward it is to be gyrated against by a sweaty guy boasting a hard-on and a warped sense of rhythm: it’s about as awkward as it would be if I were to engage in a tangential tirade on Kotex tampons right now. So: if you’re planning to execute the “shuffle” and typical mating dance move, I suggest you put to use your deodorant, body spray (and don’t load on the Axe, boys, we’ll only think you’re hiding the smell of cat piss and flat beer), and whatever scrap of rhythmic sense you may have.

NARROWING DOWN YOUR PREY

Now that you know how to hone in your dance floor etiquette for the Sorostitutes, allow me to introduce you to a few more species of college females, and what it is they want from a man.

The Sweatshirt Girl/Gold-digger: I call this type of girl the Sweatshirt Girl because once you give her your favorite hoodie to wear when she’s cold, it’s hers forever. You know which girls I’m talking about—the girls with bleach-blonde hair in sweatshirts that are obviously too big and guy-ish for them. They wear giant hoop earrings and their acrylic nails are always in tip-top shape. They’ll spend hours on their makeup and then throw on a velour J.Lo track suit. Why you’d put on makeup when you’re too lazy to put on a pair of jeans is beyond me, but who am I to judge? These girls keep their eyes peeled for ready and willing Sugar Daddies to buy them little designer purses, little designer dogs, and lavish amounts of blow-for-blowjobs. So guys, if this is your kind of gal, start saving that 7.50 an hour you make from your shift at the dining hall and get yourself acquainted with Louis Vuitton and miniature poodles.

The Intellectual: She’s dark, she’s mysterious, and she wears non-prescription black-rimmed glasses. You always see her in the library reading Gogol and Dostoevsky and other dead Russian guys whose names you can’t pronounce.  Wanna win her heart? Try these tips:

1. Incessantly bring up the fact that you’ve read War and Peace cover to cover at least six times in daily conversation.
2. Show her your highly acclaimed poetry on your LJ/MySpace/personal webpage, highlighting the one with three uses of the word “ubiquitous,” written when you were eleven.
3. Complain about any kind of “mainstream” music and list every Norwegian/Scandinavian/Polish/Icelandic concert you’ve been to.
4. Tourettically shout out Nietzsche quotes.

The Sophisticate: She’s beautiful, she’s intelligent, and she’s pretty hard to get. She wears lipstick to class and takes herself and her schoolwork seriously. How to get this girl? Forget it, boys. She’ll never go for a guy who reads articles on how to pick up women. Oh, sit back down, keep taking notes. I was just kidding. The Sophisticate will see through every game and every ploy, because she knows how it goes, and frankly, it bores her. So just be your honest, goofy, horny selves and see if that doesn’t surprise her.

SEX AND THE ROOMIE

So, once you have found a mate that is to your liking (for one night, or perhaps even longer), there’s still the problem of the roommate. Lucky for me, my boyfriend’s roommate has a sort of anthropologic fascination with porn, so he can walk in on us fucking without batting an eye. But here’s a tip for those of you who aren’t graced with the same fortune: establish some sort of code with your roomie—the old scrunchie/cowboy hat-on-the-doorknob works, but how about something a bit more direct? Say, his/her bedding outside the door with a note that says I’m getting laid. Sweet dreams.

Now, IMHO, if you’re the one being sexiled, the best thing to do here is to make the most of the situation. Instead of being snarky and pounding on the door or sulking around the dorm, why not grab a partner, unlock the door, strip down and join them? And hey, if you happen to leave the door open, who knows what hot young co-ed will jump in next? Soon, you may have yourself a good old college orgy. Actually, group sex is a great way to fend off RAs and security guards looking to bust you for booze. When you hear a loud knock on your door, and you know it’s security, stay in your lusty positions and tell them to come in. They’ll be so shocked and flustered that they won’t even notice the 30-rack and multiple handles of Vodka strewn about the room.

SEX AN THE ROOM

Okay, so now that we’ve covered the roommate, let’s cover the room itself. You might think it’s not a big deal to take a girl into a war zone when it’s dark and she’s drunk. But boys, remember: day follows night, and when she wakes, the light of the dawn will reveal to her the cesspit that is your room, and she will run away crying. Okay, I’m exaggerating, but if this girl is someone you want to keep around as more than a one-night stand, I suggest you clear out all your dirty dishes, banana peels, empty bags of chips, etc. That’s the first order of business, to take care of any food-related products, as they attract insects and rodents, neither of which females are fond of, unless perhaps they’re majoring in Bio. Next: dirty clothes in hamper. I mean it. I don’t need to see your thrice-worn socks on the floor or your Hanes underwear with its off-white stains flung over your chair. Hell, if you’re in a rush, just shove them under the bed like the good old days when your mom threatened your videogame privileges if your room wasn’t clean in an hour. Last but not least, you don’t need to go all out. Please, no cheesy surround sound stereo or velvet bedding. You’ll just come off as a player. Oh, and just for the record, I think a top sheet is bullshit, too. College boys and girls aren’t as different as you may think. Just keep your pad respectable, and we’ll have no problem coming back for more (unless of course, you’re a douchebag who’s terrible in bed).

SOLO ACTION

If you still haven’t found someone to do it with, there’s always your trusty old right hand (or left, if you’re a satanic southpaw). But remember, masturbation can be just as loud as sex a deux. So make sure the door’s locked, take out your cock, and turn on some music, a fan, a vacuum, chainsaw, anything to muffle any soft sighs that might escape your mouth while you’re polishing your rocket. And boys, when the white stuff comes you gotta stay quiet. Just as you’re about to orgasm, imagine your entire family standing outside the door as motivation to keep your grunts at bay. But really, it ain’t that hard to come in silence. My boy’s learned to keep it quiet at my school because the walls are about as thin as Kate Moss. He also has some advice for those of you bunking with a roommate: If you absolutely must masturbate and your roomie is in the bed beneath you, anchor your elbow to the wall while you beat it to keep the bed from shaking.

HOW TO LOSE ‘EM

Okay, so you fucked a girl who was down from Toronto visiting a friend. She was lithe and petite; eyes dark and wet like a frightened deer’s. You had to convince her to sleep with you—you told her she was hot, that you were attracted to her because she was interested in quantum physics, when in all reality, you were just horny and she was only down for the night—perfect. When you were in bed she wanted to get high. After you finished a joint, you went down on her. She tasted thick and briny. Panting lightly, she took your hand and shoved two of your fingers inside her. Soon you were fucking like bunnies. Problem is, it’s the next morning and she’s scouring your shelves for cereal, saying she wants to stay an extra day and “get to know you some more.” You just want her out of your room. You fucked. You’re done. What do you do? Here are some plans of action:

• 1. Tell her you really enjoyed last night, and you’re glad she’s so understanding—what, with your having AIDs and all.
  2. Surreptitiously text a friend and have her come over, pretending to be your girlfriend. Let Jerry Springer-esque dramatic dialogue ensue.
  3. Have a really terrible T.V. show on hand (anything on Nick at Night will do) and ask her if she wants to watch it with you while you fold socks.
  4. Take out your balls and start shaving them.

HOW TO KEEP ‘EM

I am the first to admit that a heavy workload can put a major damper on your sex life. But there are moments when the accumulating stress can work wonders when you finally do get down. For instance: It is 3 a.m. I have to finish Tom Jones for my 9 a.m. class (which, if you don’t know Tom Jones, is a 916-page novel about a bastard-child, whores, and topless cat-fights). The dregs of this pill—Concerta, a sub for Adderall—are wearing on me, the last few barrel-bottom hours when my mind wants sleep but my brain still flickers. My boyfriend wants sex. I freak out. He takes me for a drive in my car to calm me down. We stop somewhere, some abandoned parking lot, to talk. I don’t want to talk; I want to throw things. I get out of the car. He tells me I have been exceptionally irritable. I protest, throwing glass bottles and light bulbs-- dug up from my disastrous treasure trove of a backseat-- against a lamp-post. In hindsight: yes, I was exceptionally irritable. But, oh, the sex that night is so good. We get in the backseat and I tell him to fuck me, to fuck the living shit out of me, to rape me, and we pound and pound away, hammer to nail, fist to face, stomach to stomach, groin to groin. And when I go to visit him at his school, we take time to sneak into one of his classrooms and do it on the teacher’s desk. One time, I gave him a little oral action, and, just as he was about to come, directed his load onto one of the desks. The “watermark” is still there.

Moral of the story: when you’re stressed, keep your sex life playful and exciting. It’ll untie all those knots in your life. Okay, that’s kind of a lie, but at least it’ll feel good and will temporarily take your mind off things. But don’t let sex get in the way of your schoolwork, boys and girls, and don’t let schoolwork get in the way of your sex life. There’s always room for both, and you’ll find they work quite nicely together. Now enough sex talk, you’ve got some fucking—er, packing to do.

One poignant line from the script, (ghost?)written by Roger Krypton:

SERRA: That’s right fella, looks like global warming has caused a couple of giant snow caps to break free.

May God help us all.

Taking just the shortest break from reviewing free clips online, I thought I'd share some links with you. With a little luck, and the internet, we'll all get through this day...

Apparently there's something called PG Porn that's being loosed in short clips online. It's on Spike TV's website, so I don't really trust it, but Nathan Fillion stars in it, along with Aria Giovanni, Belladonna, Sasha Grey, and Michael Rosenbaum. I haven't watched it yet, but that cast list alone has me a little curious. The first segment is entitled "Nailing Your Wife" and it's directed by James Gunn, who's Slither was a fun romp through 80s horror and is the ex-husband of The Office's Pam. Here's an interview with Gunn about the project.

We've talked about her before, so we might as well talk about her again in It Was Bound To Happen category: Sarah Palin porn. Not Sarah Palin doing porn, no, cause that would be... interesting (I think that my co-blogger and I agree that the Governor of Alaska has become the living embodiment of a hate fuck). No, it's Sarah Palin-inspired porn, brought to you courtesy of Hustler and entitled "Nailin' Palin." I guess you could say it doesn't get much more self explanatory than that. The plot supposedly includes Palin "nailing the Russians who come knocking on her back door" and a flashback scene to Palin's creationist college professor who will explain a 'big bang' theory even she can't deny." And, of course, a threeway with Hillary and Condoleeza look alikes. This thing just writes itself. Or maybe it doesn't, but here's a script excerpt.

Speaking of cinema: This week saw the release of perhaps my favorite film, the Alfred Hitchcock classic Vertigo, starring James Stewart and Kim Novak. It's a mesmerizing story of a detective who falls in love  with the woman he was hired to follow. It won't really spoil anything to tell you that she eventually dies, and then his obsession really begins. There's no nudity whatsoever in the film, but I would still describe it as porn for your brain.

I'd like to mention my favorite new small book press with the greatest name ever: Bookake. It looks like they're going to specialize in a certain type of classic, maybe the kind of books that don't typically get the respect they deserve. Or maybe they get exactly the respect they deserve, I don't know. Either way, it's nice to see someone handling classic filth with respect.

In the world of bizarre tidbits from the internet:

Worries after 30 lesbians impregnated by the same man. Those worries, stemming from unregulated sperm donation, are future incest, in case you were wondering. It comes from Fox News, so you know it's got to be good.

Student faces porn charge over text sent by classmate. This is kind of a sad story, actually. Especially since the kid is only 13 years old.

The mayor of Portland is getting ready to release a series of sex tapes. Well, tapes of him talking about sex. Hmm. I guess that's less interesting.

Do we have any British readers here at CK? I'm curious because I'm reading here that one in three British men prefer smaller boobs and I'd like to know how accurate that is.

Apparently blondes don't have more fun.

Strip club offers free flu shots!

And before I leave you, here's a blog you can enjoy (but only occasionally!) while you eagerly await our next post: Sexy people. Have a gander and then come back to your sexy friends at Carnal Knowledge.

Check it out.

Remember a few years back how WWE wrestler Chris Benoit killed his wife Nancy Benoit and their son before committing suicide?  Well not ten months after those tragic events, first-amendment-loving Larry Flynt and Hustler magazine printed nude photos of Nancy Benoit that had been discovered, and her family sued the magazine for violation of privacy.

Today, the case was thrown out by a judge, who claimed that Hustler had the right the print the photos, though noting that the photos were "offensive and distasteful."

Nancy's family are still contemplating a wrongful death lawsuit against the WWE.

Looks like Sarah Palin's brand of celebrity has jumped to a whole new level. Pornography magnate Larry Flynt, of Hustler magazine fame, is supposedly producing an adult film parodying the vice presidential candidate. The title? "Nailin' Paylin."

Oh dear.

According to Adult Video News, a press release from Hustler Video said, "Nailin’ Paylin will take the viewer on a naughty adventure to the wild side of that sexy Alaska governor."

Seeing as this is a pretty PG-13 blog, I won't go into the details of the, er, film provided in this article, but if you want you can read the article yourself. Apparently, porn stars will also be playing the parts of Hillary Clinton and Condoleeza Rice, and the film is set for release just before the election.
Now, I know nothing about the porn industry, but I think this is taking it too far. Yes, Flynt is known for his production of pornographic movies and magazines, and even more notably his First Amendment court cases. Since the Hustler Magazine v. Falwell case decided that freedom of speech protects people like Flynt from paying public figures for emotional damages caused by parodies, Palin can't take legal action. But I think it comes down to decency.

Personally, I know that Palin provides plenty of fodder for good parodies. But maybe we should leave that to comedians like Tina Fey, who can poke fun at public figures in a more tasteful manner. Palin may not be as respectable as we want her to be, but she is still a politician, and defaming her character with something so vulgar is uncalled for, especially right before the election. I'm sure this "film" won't reach a wide audience, and I doubt it will change anyone's opinion of the governor, but it will still have it's consequences. I'm sure this isn't the first time this type of political parody has been made, but to me, it doesn't seem like the proper thing to do. Well, I guess you speak out in whatever way you know how.

Leave it to Larry Flynt to take it too far.

During that time there was a tornado that hit her house but none of her unorganized papers where damaged. The money spent had done nothing, actually,  but make her feel guilty about not following the program.   Suzy's "Save Yourself" money managing program just hadn't had the pizazz she'd hoped it would for making money management fun. But, she did learn her FICO score. This forty four year old woman liked being a feminist, but to her managing things was not a spontaneous act and she enjoyed spontaneity. Watching Suzy explain America's current state of financial crisis she understood what she and the bald headed Jewish guy, that managed Oprah's money, were saying. She wasn't stupid.

Waiting and wading through the boring world of money (unless one of her very creative schemes where about to hit pay dirt ) the opportunity finally came to see and hear Maya Angelou.  Dr. Angelou, Oprah likes to call her dear friend.

When Maya was about to come on, Emily's heart became warm and soft. Even the thought of the comfort, dignity, and soothing that Maya provided, was enough to make Emily proud of being a woman. This wonderful dark woman who has amazing grace and integrity built into every word she speaks, into her mental-muscle and vibrant molecular structure.

Emily saw her face. A sadness dropped on her, this woman, full of vitality, was approaching leaving this reality, her reality. She knew that Maya would never really leave but what Emilly had learned to grab onto, not the essence but the physical Maya would leave. She would leave in a visual/auditory sense. Maybe that's not entirely true, thought Emily, because at one time or another, she could hallucinate the grand-matriarch or perhaps Maya's wise words would come to her in her dreams.

Maya spoke about being in her eightieth year, and thinking that she had not many years left. Emily's horror and selfishness danced around like a taunting teasing playground song. Tears poured inside her heart knowing that soon her mentor would be gone. Oprah new this too, but she had found a way to cherish her every living breath.  Oprah said she talks to her friend two to three times a week.

Tears will come, she thought, for this woman that is so beloved. With her own indignent anger Emily acknowledged why Maya has written a poem entitled "contentious objector" regarding Maya's own imminent death. No, it's not true that only the good die young. When Maya's gone a good and great woman will be gone.  Emily also rejected the idea of death for Maya, and hoped when her time of death comes that life will be so precious that loosening her hold on it, will also be objectionable.

(I just threw in the tag hustler for my friend Melissa)

Sarah Palin Nailing the Russians Who Come Knocking On Her Back Door
Nailin’ Paylin, Hustler’s Sarah Palin porn flick stars Lisa Ann in the title role. The film, which is currently in pre-production, is being fast tracked for a pre-election release.

Hustler says the film will feature five hard-core scenes, including a three way with other parodied political figures — namely Hillary Clinton and Condoleezza Rice. Bill O’Reilly will also be spoofed as the announcer who dishes the sex scandals that will take place during the film.

From Hustler through TMZ.com and Daily News:

Nailin’ Paylin will take the viewer on a naughty adventure to the wild side of that sexy Alaska governor. Sara Paylin will not only be showing us some girl-on-girl lovin’ but will also be nailing the Russians, who come knocking on her back-door (wink, wink) and in a flashback “young” Paylin’s creationist college professor will explain a “big bang” theory even she can’t deny!

     Once, while exploring her aunt and uncles home, she came across a stack of Hustler and Penthouse magazines in an old suitcase under the bed in the master bedroom. Her cousin Jenny, who was at 10 two years younger than she, had just left the room to go pee  as Greta opened the lid. Oddly enough Greta wasn't terribly effected by the graphic sexual images even though she had never even imagined that grown ups were up to such bizarre activities let alone seen such things. It was, however, the letters to the editor that really had an effect. There were words (or more from Greta's perspective: groupings of letters) contained therein that Greta had never seen before. This new thrill was short-lived though because Greta was forced to shut the lid as she heard the toilette flush and little Jenny fast approaching.

"hey, you're not supposed to be looking in there y'know" Jenny shouted "those are my dad's personal papers and junk and he said that if we ever looked in there he'd have to teach us a lesson about being snoopy"

"Sorry" Greta replied " I thought there might be some old clothes or something we could use for pretend"

Details have finally come to light with regard to Hustler Video’s wildly anticipated new political satire, “Nailin’ Paylin,” thanks to a new website called TMZ:

1) The feature depicts the Russians “knocking” on one of the vice-presidential candidates’ “back door”;

2) The candidate will engage in a three-way with the secretary of state and the junior U.S. senator from New York; and

3) In a flashback, the would-be veep is schooled in the “big bang” theory by her creationist college professor.

No word yet on any involvement the U.S. House majority leader might take in the tale.

Sarah Palin is officially a legend! Hustler Video is shooting a porn with a look-alike titled "Nailin' Paylin." The spelling is sic and so is Hustler. You betcha!

The faux Sarah is Lisa Ann, who "will be nailing the Russians who come knocking on her back-door." In another scene -- a flashback -- "young Paylin's creationist college professor will explain a 'big bang' theory even she can't deny!"

There's also a threeway with Hillary and Condoleezza look-alikes.

The video is in pre-production, but is being fast tracked for release before the election.

The chick they've just hired to play Clinton in the three-way is well-known adult film star Nina Hartley. =)

I love this firstly because it's hilarious, and secondly because it goes to the heart of the issue better than any reasoned rant by a political pundit.  Sarah Palin is popular because she's a MILF.  The men want to do her, the women want to be her, and everyone can imagine sharing a low-cost drink with her - such as a fitty or some boxed wine.  All of which is fine and good, but THOSE ARE NOT THE QUALIFICATIONS FOR A FUTURE VICE PRESIDENT.  Hello!  

Seriously, think about it.  If Hillary Clinton had the qualifications of Sarah Palin, people would laugh her right out of the race.  Don't even TRY to tell me they wouldn't, because I would believe you.  Because you'd be lying.  

I'm just saying.

Pool hustling, state-sanctioned deathmatches between heavily armed Japanese teenagers, and high-octane hybridised football/roller-skating skirmishes undertaken as a foil for the violent desires of the masses all may not, initially, appear to have an awful lot in common. Appearances being, as they are, deceptive, it's important to note that all three cinematic narratives (respectively, Robert Rossen's The Hustler [1961], Kinji Fukasaku's Battle Royale [2000] and Norman Jewison's Rollerball [1975]) are ostensibly and verifiably films with game-based narratives, in which there are 'winners' and 'losers', points to be scored and sanctified sets of rules to obey or to break. They only vary in the degree to which they are willing to take and to run with the definition of the word ‘game’.

Murder may not, according to a certain set of societal standards, be a 'game', per se, but you need not look further than the inglorious history of the gladiatorial arena (and various celebrated filmic interpretations thereof, going back as far as sword and sandal epics such as Delmer Daves' Demetrius and the Gladiators [1954]) to see that it can be made part of one with ease, and has (amongst many others, Paul Bertel's Death Race 2000 [1976], Paul Michael Glaser's The Running Man [1987], and it would be impossible not to mention Ridley Scott's Gladiator [2000])

Games, of all sorts, are important to human beings: they’re an intrinsic part of our psyches, infect and affect every facet of Western culture with some fragment of themselves, and that's whether we recognize the fact or not. It should naturally follow, then, that games are an important part of storytelling, and nowhere is this more evident than in the world of moving pictures: if there’s a game to be played, no matter how obscure, you can rest relatively easy in the knowledge that, in all probability, there’s a film somewhere out there to satisfy its proponents.

In keeping with the principles of good storytelling, however, films that feature games prominently are not always about the games that are played:

In the future wake of mass unemployment and proportional youth disenfranchisement, Battle Royale finds the Japanese government setting up annual games of death between members of a single, randomly-selected, Japanese ninth-form class; the unwilling participants (chief amongst them, our protagonist Shuya Nanahara) are kept from escaping with fitted explosive collars, similar in design (though admittedly the idea is less crassly executed here) to the ‘intestinators’ in the Christopher Lambert pulp sci-fi/prison flick, Fortress [1993].

The aim of the program, though never explicitly discussed, appears to be Orwellian in nature: simultaneously terrifying the populace so as to keep them in line, whilst providing violent tittilation as a form of distraction (in what is admittedly the most charming moment of synchronicity in an entirely too-compelling essay, Anthony Antoniou suggests, in The Cinema of Japan and Korea, that "[...] blurring the lines between entertainment and propaganda, in order to keep the masses docile and distracted […] is reminiscent of Norman Jewison's Rollerball (1975)") (p. 225)

Battle Royale details a world in which children are abandoned or callously mistreated by adults and authority figures (Shuya’s unstable father commits suicide in plain view of his son, while another character is sexually abused by her alcoholic mother, and two others are killed by a teacher simply to provide object lessons, before the game proper has even begun), education is a thing of the past and death is an amusement, Antoniou goes on to argue that the film uses 'the game' as a way of issuing, through the eyes of its victims, “a savage indictment of a failed competitive education system, a nation's disaffected youth, and a proud but ailing martial civilization punishing the next generation for its own failings.” (p. 228)

Despite already being contentious in its subject, Fukasaku digs himself a deeper (that is, far more contentious) philosophical hole by consciously couching the film and its terminology in the realm of the ‘game’, even to the extent of flashing up the names of the dead students, in the manner of a scoreboard, so that we, the audience, can keep casual track of the carnage (an assertion supported by Antoniou's own observations on p. 227).

As mentioned above, Jewison's Rollerball is not dissimilar in its own approach to the game-based narrative, though it belongs to an entirely different era of film-making and approaches its subject with a certain hip '70s hallucinogenic sensibility: the film pits James Caan's champion athlete Jonathan E. (heroic, quiet, muscular and virile Texan that he is) against his corporate overlords (personified by John Houseman's part avuncular, all serpentine Mr. Bartholomew) at an emotional and intellectual level, while simultaneously having Jonathan engage in well-paid transnational athletic combat with other young men, both at home and abroad, with crippling injury or death going from a possibility to a certainty as the film progresses; the conflicts run parallel to one another and intersect on the playing field: John Hassard et al. point out in Body and Organisation that, "Jonathan's bruised and bleeding body is continually counterposed to the distant gaze of the suited executives who watch from behind glass." (p. 77)

Thelma Altschuler, in “Using Popular Media to Achieve Traditional Goals” (a tellingly titled essay), posits that Robert Rossen’s arguable masterwork, The Hustler, is a prime example of the aforementioned phenomenon, distinguishing between the "pure game" (played between Eddie Felson and Minnesota Fats) and the rest of the film's narrative, the vast majority of which is concerned with the ‘game’ that Bert and Eddie play, a contest of will rather than skill, which Eddie tragically and inevitably loses (due to what Alan Casty calls his destructive “desire for money and status within his art”), as he must in order to develop the necessary ‘character’ to achieve the film’s final, Pyrrhic victory.

So it is that game-based narratives have their protagonists face off against antagonists (the other Rollerball teams, the other students, and Minnesota Fats, respectively) in the game of their choice, as engaging in the game brings them into contact with the narrative's true antagonist, as the basis for higher-level interpersonal and societal conflicts beyond the scope of the arena: Rollerball's Jonathan E. has his Mr. Bartholomew, and so, too, naive school student turned combatant Shuya Nanahara has his Mr. Kitano (his former teacher, now a director of the deathmatch in which Shuya is a participant), and "Fast" Eddie Felson has, as described above, Bert (arguably the most developed of the three, described by Casty as the ultimate combination of "satanic power and human weakness" [p. 8]).

Casty, in his essay The Films of Robert Rossen, aptly points out that, where The Hustler is concerned, "what is important is the way he is playing pool [...], the way he is winning and why". Casty recognises that The Hustler is infinitely more concerned with the state of play regarding the hearts and minds of Americans than anything that ever happened on a pool table. It is, he suggests, not about pool sharks and pool players, gamblers and gambling, but rather depicts "the struggle between the girl and the gambler for the unformed soul and the unshaped energies of the pool-playing young American, skilled but isolated, without purpose, mission or connection." (p. 8)

Naturally enough, however, the similarities eventually break down, be they artistic or philosophical in nature: Where The Hustler and Battle Royale have a firm grasp on lucidity and complex narrative, Rollerball sacrifices a certain amount of itself to the altar of ambiguity in the name of squeezing in large amounts of surrealist imagery, which hinders the search for certainty in analysis.

The Hustler makes sure to spend its time in the here and now and centers itself closely around the life and times of its protagonist, Eddie, both Rollerball and Battle Royale make a special point of contrasting high-brow art and culture (symbols of normality and the outside world) with the brutality of the killing fields their respective protagonists engage with.

Both, for instance, open with classical compositions playing over relatively innocuous scenery: in the case of Rollerball, Tomaso Albinoni’s “Adagio in G Minor” complements the stark, darkened Rollerball stadium, while Battle Royale contents itself with Giuseppe Verdi’s "Dies Irae," which plays over violent waves crashing onto a section of coast line. Again, as the narratives progress, both films counterpose compositions in lieu of purpose-built soundtracks with increasingly violent imagery and greater ironic effect: Royale favours Bach, Johann Strauß Sr., Johann Strauß Jr. and Schubert, while Rollerball fancies Shostakovich and Tchaikovsky.

This isn't the sign of a spectacular auteurist at work: Thomas Fahy (Killer Culture: Classical Music and the Art of Killing in Silence of the Lambs and Se7en) points out that many horror/thriller films "equate classical music with the art of killing" and "[create] a tension between culture and barbarism" (p. 28); both films are making an obvious and much-belaboured point about the connection and contrast between brutality and high culture, and the effect that can be visited on an audience by removing any kind of demarcation between them, similar in concept to what Bruce Sterling in his 1985 preface to William Gibson's Burning Chrome called the "one-two combination of high-tech and low-life". (p. 3)

The motivation here is clear: to expose the barbarous lows to which humanity can sink; "savagery becomes an "art" that reflects the violence, hatred, indifference, deceit and depravity endemic to modern capitalist society." (p. 28) Fahy, again, has his finger on the pulse.

The closest The Hustler can come to approximating this is in the oppositional traits of its main protagonist and his love interest: the well-educated, literate ‘college girl’ with aspirations of becoming a writer, and the burly street-wise hustler, but that is clearly because its aim is different, its target similar (not merely capitalism, as in Rollerball, but the very foundation of the American psyche, the American Dream and the competitiveness it inspires, comes under attack) but still not in line with those of the other films. Casty notes that, “only in one scene, in the open air […] can Eddie verbalise his sense of his skill as more than a tool of conquest […] perhaps such things as fights and pool games can best be employed as negative symbols of imperfect humanity.”

Finally, there is also the matter of the relative success of each film, in its attempt to extend itself on wings of metaphor. Of all three, Rollerball is the one to fail grievously, clutching for dear life its precious artistic ambiguity to the last. As Jonathan E., wounded and exhausted, faces down his corporate masters in the ruins of the blasted arena, the film’s twin salvos, against facets of machismo and corporate culture both, should meet and detonate; instead, it must be said that they fizzle, as Jonathan E., far from making of himself a sacrifice in a doomed world, instead rises up from his grievous injuries, born up by the chanting of the audience, and skates on into an unknown future, solidifying a theory brought up Asbjorn Gronstad in One Dimensional Men: Fight Club and the Poetics of the Body, that “the body of the hero of the quintessential action movie is damaged only to confirm and preserve the dominant, one-sided masculinity inhabiting the psychology of the film's narrative origin” (p. 12)

In that one moment of reverting to type, all of Jewison’s good work is undone. Nothing has been resolved, obliterating the whole point of summoning up the game’s for use as a narrative technique in the name of (admittedly impressive) effects sequences, which stands in contrast to The Hustler and Battle Royale, which see their games through to the end, summoning them up to deal with both of their parallel plots: respectively, Fast Eddie finally beats Minnesota Fats in a mirror sequence to the film’s opening confrontation, and eclipses Bert in doing so (though at a terrible cost), and Kitano, Shuya’s tormentor and the representative of a whole society, is dispatched in the same classroom where the game began. The conclusions are artful and largely complete (Battle Royale leaves a small opening for a sequel, which was eventually completed), and prove the worth of the narrative trope.

You know it's gonna make some moolah. 

Pr0n star and exotical dancer Lisa Ann will play Palin in the forthcoming masterpiece.

Lisa Ann plays Palin. I don't see that much of a resemblance, but I suppose with her hair up and some glasses and a rural Alaskan accent, she'll do all right. "You betcha!"

Of course, the Internets is all classy about Sarah Palin and her porn debut.

Okay, now I have seen everything.  I am not a fan of Sarah Palin, but come on, this is just so wrong on so many levels!  Hustler Magazine is releasing a porno film with an adult film actress named Lisa Ann who is being made up to look like Sarah Palin!    What in the world?

The actress "will be nailing the Russians who come knocking on her back-door." In another scene -- a flashback -- "young Paylin's creationist college professor will explain a 'big bang' theory even she can't deny!"

There's also a threeway with Hillary and Condoleezza look-alikes.

The video is in pre-production, but is being fast tracked for release before the election.

Wow!!! I know Hustler doesn't mind stooping low, but now they are really acting up!

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