They are all controlled by the Trigeminal Nerve.  The Trigeminal Nerve is primarily a sensory nerve, but it also has certain motor functions (biting, chewing, and swallowing).  Pain or dysfunction of the temporomandibular joint is commonly referred to as "TMJ".  TMJ is really the name of the joint, and Temporomandibular joint disorder (or dysfunction) is abbreviated TMD. TMD is used to refer to a group of problems involving the TMJs and the muscles, tendons, ligaments, blood vessels, and other tissues associated with them.  The symptoms of this medical and dental condition include clicking or popping of the jaw joints, pain in or around the jaw joints, locking or limited opening of the mouth, headaches, pain behind the eyes, dizziness, earaches or ringing in the ears, clenching or grinding of the teeth, neck, shoulder or back pain, and numbness, or tingling of the fingers.

Bruxism is the griding of the teeth and typically accompanied by the clenching of the jaw.  Migrane is a neurological syndrome known for its painful headaches.  In migraine, the main center for sensation reception (called the “sensory nucleus”) has become hyper-sensitized and responds unfavorably to normal outside stimuli.  The therapeutic goal in migraine prevention is to limit the amount of noxious sensory input  (to limit your migraine "triggers") to the Trigeminal Sensory Nucleus, so that it is not perceived as nociception (physiological pain).  The goal is to limit as much negative input to the Trigeminal Sensory Nucleus.   And that is the basic principle behind NTI-tss  (Nociceptive Trigeminal Inhibition-Tension Suppression System).

The NTI device is a FDA-approved dental device (or mouthpiece) that a trained dentist provides for the patient.  The NTI fits securely on either the patient's upper or lower front teeth while asleep.

NTI refers to the nocturnal inhibition of trigeminal nociception.  In order for jaw clenching and teeth grinding to achieve pathologic intensity, the molars and/or canine teeth must be touching each other, or another object (like a traditional mouthpiece).  By keeping the molars and canines from touching anything during sleep,  Nociception to the Trigeminal is Inhibited.  Minimizing jaw muscle intensity requires providing for incisor (front teeth) contact only during sleep.

By reducing the intensity of involuntary clenching at night while sleeping, the NTI-tss tiny, clear-plastic device minimizes clenching intensity and, in time, minimizes intense clenching as the source of the pain.  The type of relief expected might be seen within a few hours to a few weeks after wearing it, it all depends.  Many patients report significant relief overnight, others usually within a month.  The highly trained clenching muscles have to un-learn their intense activity, and the time it takes to accomplish this varies from patient to patient.

The NTI device also may eliminate the need for prescription and over-the-counter pain medications that are taken for morning headache, sore neck, sore jaw, and related pain associated with involuntary clenching of the teeth.

Because the NTI-tss device helps reduce the clenching intensity, it helps maximize comfort and should minimize the need for medications.  The patient may find that they are more productive and they can do more throughout the day because they are pain-free and more comfortable with less tension and stress.

Images: NTI - Tension Suppresion System 

References and more information:

• TMJ Implants- A Consumer Informational Update (FDA page)
• Pathophysiology of Migrane
• NTI - Tension Suppresion System
• FDA 510(k) Premarket Notification #K010876  (FDA's Summary)
  of the NTI Tension Suppression System

The interesting thing about this is that I never fully realized that there was something really really wrong with me, till I looked at my finances in 2007. Prior to that, I had thought that the problems I was having with my moods, my temper, my attention, my sleeping patterns, my pain... welll, everything... were due to things outside myself.

I literally thought that it was other people who had the problem. Or, it was just job stress. Or it was an unhappy childhood. Or I didn't realize there was something wrong at all.

But then, in 2007, I looked at my finances and I realized that something was very, very wrong. I, who had been in the financial services industry for a decade or so, who was studying to become a financial advisor, who had been all about money for years and years and years... who knew about all sorts of common sense investment and savings vehicles... I had literally forgotten to keep track of my finances. And I had forgotten to stash a large lump sum I'd received in a secure interest-bearing savings account.

People, that's just common sense. It's the bare minimum you do with a lump sum of money, let alone all the other things you can do with it.

But I hadn't. Even knowing what I knew, even having the positive orientation that I had to money, even having all this domain experience in savings and investments... something had broken down. And it forced me to take a long, hard look at all the other factors that had been plaguing me in my life.

Suddenly, a pattern emerged. And I started to remember things i hadn't thought about in years...

In my search for information, I paid a visit to www.headinjury.com and found their Journal of Daily Experiences. It was just what I needed! I printed out a copy and started using it, tracking my daily experiences and realizing that there was actually more going on with me than I had believed. Only when I really asked myself honestly if there were certain things going on with me -- like irritability and anxiety -- was I able to identify and address issues that had dogged me for decades, but I'd never been able to either identify or cope with in a constructive fashion.

I used the form from the website, but I eventually found it was too long for me to make sense of, and it was hard for me to get my head around finding each issue that was giving me problems. I needed something more organized -- and something that gave me more space to write in. I had a lot to write, and I was having trouble fitting my words into the space there.

So, I copied and pasted the table on the web page into a word processing document, reorganized it with categories, and I changed the wording a little bit. Since it was in electronic format, I had plenty of room to type in my information. I didn't run out of room.

I also wanted a version that I could print out and write on. Writing by hand is an important part of my regular recovery (it forces your brain to work the hand-eye coordination parts, as I understand it), and while typing into the word document was easier, sometimes I really needed to write the stuff down. Sometimes I needed to record things without a computer.

So, I created a PDF version -- with a nice picture of a head with a brain on it, so I could keep track of my headaches, which are pretty much constant.

I have used my form(s) to record information both about my childhood (to see what problems I had) as well as recording information about my daily life. Both approaches help me a great deal in understanding my situation and formulating approaches. And I have written records of what works (and doesn't work) for me in my daily life. Tracking my childhood experiences really helped me deal with the emotional baggage of what was a very challenging upbringing, and it helped me put a lot of my "badness" in a context I could understand objectively, without constantly blaming myself for my temper, my outbursts, my perpetual flipping out and beating up on my little brother. There was more going on with me and my head, than anyone knew. And I've paid a huge price, my entire life, thinking that my very nature was "bad" or "sinful" or "flawed" or "lazy" or "evil" ... when so much of my behavior and performance problems read like classic TBI after-effects... and can be directly traced to them.

I wasn't a bad seed.

I was injured.

And I never go the help I needed.

That doesn't change the harm I've done over the course of my 43 years, but it does allow me to identify some of the true cause(s) of my problematic behavior and either take steps to make amends, explain myself to the ones I've hurt, take steps to make sure I don't do those childhood things in my adulthood, and/or better understand what was really my fault, and what was TBI-related.

I also currently use the form(s) for day-to-day self-assessment. It may sound simplistic, but just recording my experiences on a regular basis has made a huge difference in managing my symptoms and issues. If I don't self-assess at least once a week, I actually start to feel like I'm losing my mind... I feel like there's something wrong with me. I feel defective. I feel useless. I feel like a total friggin' loser. I don't always fill out every single piece of the form, but I at least hit the high points, and that helps.

When I look at my issues in light of the tbi's I've sustained, and I see that these symptoms are originating from an injury -- not a character defect -- it takes a lot of the pressure off. Self-assessing and tracking my issues reminds me that it's not me that's compromised (tho' I must admit I have plenty of flaws that have nothing to do with tbi ;) --- it's my injured brain that's the root of a lot of my issues. And since I know the source of the problems, I can get outside myself and take steps to address the issues I come across.

And that makes all the difference.

I've uploaded the two files below for your use. I hope they help you as much as they help me!

Daily Experiences Journal (Wide) - Word Document

Daily Experiences Journal - PDF for printing and filling in by hand

she's like a fire-breathing dragon. i wish that she's not my groupmate in any subject but unfortunately she was in our speech class(damn).we have to make a movie to show our lesson in exchange for the final exam.i imagined the our activities with her. it's grotesque.i thought that she would ruin everything.

i was right. she ruined it. she didn't attend our shootings. she even made us so angry that we remove her in our group. it was this afternoon that she called our leader to ask her role.she complained that we didn't text her which is not true because almost everybody in the group tried to contact to no avail. because my classmate is not that evil, she gave her something to do. good thing i'm not the leader.haha.

i want to kill that dragon. i hate her for destroying the reputation of our section and i hate her for crashing our groupwork. she's so immature. she's not using her good for nothing pea brain.

i know i'm a rude kid. that's why i'm sayin this stuff. >:D

1. Accreditation ~ Society of Chest Pain Centers

   ... committed to, or are considering, applying for chest pain center accreditation, ... For example, "contact your doctor immediately if you experience chest pains" ...

   www.scpcp.org/accreditation/faq.html

2. E-Journal ~ Spring 2001 ~ Society of Chest Pain Centers

   ... with chest pain >5 minutes, having either positive troponin or ECG changes (Slide 11) ... ruled out for MI using traditional markers as the "gold standard. ...

   www.scpcp.org/ejournal/spring2001/biochemical.html

3. eMedicine - Myocardial Infarction : Article by Drew E Fenton

   The goal for patients with STEMI should be to achieve a door-to-drug time of ... In the setting of active chest pain and ECG changes showing AMI, he would still ...

   www.emedicine.com/EMERG/topic327.htm

4. eMedicine - Acute Coronary Syndrome : Article by Drew E Fenton

   In Sweden, chest pain of ischemic origin is thought to affect 5% of all males ... Many centers set goals for, and routinely record, door-to-ECG, door-to-needle ...

   www.emedicine.com/EMERG/topic31.htm

5. Bias in Assessment of Chest Pain in Emergency Department

   ... generally considered to be standard of care for ED chest-pain patients and are ... p<0.01 for all tests, except African American women ECG (p=0.02) ...

   www.medscape.com/viewarticle/551632?rss

6. MDCT in Early Triage of Patients With Acute Chest Pain

   Current risk stratification of patients with acute chest pain but normal initial cardiac enzymes and nondiagnostic ECG is inefficient.

   www.medscape.com/viewarticle/549382_print

7. Diagnosis and treatment of chest pain and acute coronary syndrome (ACS).

   ... Panels have set a 60-minute median door-to-balloon time as the benchmark for top ... chest pain or ECG changes consistent with ischemia) to standard therapy. ...

   guideline.gov/summary/summary.aspx?doc_id=10227&nbr=005390&...+care

8. Clinical Care Guideline: Chest Pain and ACS

   ... (STEMI) with goal of door to PCI (percutaneous coronary intervention) ... discretion - is indicated for chest pain < 12 hours, ECG with ST elevation in ...

   www.uic.edu/com/er/acs.htm

9. More evidence of disparities in cardiac care, this time in the ER

   ... generally considered to be standard of care for ED chest-pain patients and are ... to make pointed suggestions to make the other facility-- 1. chest pain center ...

   www.theheart.org/article/768825.do

10. "Level-1 trauma" method improves outcomes in STEMI patients

    Total door-to-balloon times are shown with the results of DANAMI -2 ... Chest-pain centers ... resources for primary angioplasty, the standard ECG can help ...

    www.theheart.org/article/360873.do

11. Medical Policy MED.00094 | Electrocardiographic (ECG) Body Surface Mapping

    ... involved 56 patients presenting to an acute cardiology unit with chest pain ... Medical Center (Springfield, MA) and nine other clinical research centers are ...

    healthlink.com/provider/medpolicy/.../MED/ECG_body_surface_map.html

12. Myocardial infarction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    ... many emergency departments and chest pain centers use computers capable of ... limitations, the 12 lead ECG stands at the center of risk stratification for the ...

    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myocardial_infarction

13. MED.00094 Electrocardiographic (ECG) Body Surface Mapping

    ... involved 56 patients presenting to an acute cardiology unit with chest pain ... Medical Center (Springfield, MA) and nine other clinical research centers are ...

    www.anthem.com/medicalpolicies/policies/mp_pw_a050110.htm

14. NurseWeek: The Heart Beat : Chest pain centers are on the frontlines of ...

    Baxter says the chest pain center accreditation process can be arduous. ... EKG in the field, and we had the cath team here by the time he got to the door. ...

    www.nurseweek.com/news/features/05-02/EdCardiac_2.asp

15. Don't underestimate chest pain symptoms - Chico Enterprise Record

    Ambulatory EKG or ECG, also called a Holter Monitor, which records electrical ... Cardiac catheterization, a "gold standard" test that uses a type of X-ray called ...

    www.chicoer.com/ci_5209203?source=most_emailed

16. Acute Coronary Syndromes (ACS): Coronary Artery Disease: Merck Manual ...

    ... to immediately identify patients with chest pain for rapid assessment and ECG. ... ECGs), who can be managed in 24-h observation units or chest pain centers. ...

    www.merck.com/mmpe/print/sec07/ch073/ch073c.html

17. MDCT in Early Triage of Patients with Acute Chest Pain -- Hoffmann et ...

    ... standard of risk stratification in patients with acute chest pain. ... fail to detect a minority of patients with acute chest pain and ECG changes that ...

    www.ajronline.org/cgi/content/full/187/5/1240

18. Written Summary: Emergency Medicine, 24:01 - THE HEART

    CHEST PAIN David Slattery, MD, Research Director, University Medical Center of ... for previous ECG; obtain chest x-ray to look for other causes of chest pain; ...

    www.cme-ce-summaries.com/emergency-medicine/em2401.html

19. Myocardial infarction

    However, the standard 12 lead ECG has several limitations. ... many emergency departments and chest pain centers use computers capable of ...

    schools-wikipedia.org/wp/m/Myocardial_infarction.htm

20. Cardiovascular CT: innovators add CT angiography to routine practice

    Medical centers save trauma treatment costs by taking less staff to support a ... ECG after being brought to the emergency department because of left-side chest pain. ...

    www.dimag.com/techfocus/innovatorsaddctangiography2practice/05.jhtml

21. 07/07 Surging 64-slice scanner sales fuel cardiac teleradiology

    The standards are expected to become more rigorous a year from now. ... ability to legitimately market itself as a value-added chest pain center and ...

    www.dimag.com/teleradiology/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=200000135

22. [DOC]
23. [DOC]

24. Nursing Information & Featured Stories RN.com

    Not to be confused with Chest Pain Centers, STEMI Centers around the country are ... facilities have struggled to achieve the gold standard of a door-to-needle time ...

    w3.rn.com/news_features.asp?articleID=15748

25. Say a Prayer for the Pretender: Mimes in Medicine

    ... three-hour window for stroke protocols and our door-to-balloon goals of ... and a 12-lead ECG is just one of many diagnostic tools to evaluate chest pain. ...

    jems.com/.../columns/Cunningham/Say_a_Prayer_for_the_Pretender.html

26. New QI Tool Helps Systems Improve Emergency Care for Cardiac Patients...

    ... with standard 12-lead ECGs, using the patient's age, sex, chest-pain status ... door-to-first ECG time, door-to-thrombolytics, door-to-balloon or door-to ...

    jems.com/news_and_articles/articles/New_QI_Tool_Help_Systems_Improv...

27. bmj.com Rapid Responses for Sodeck et al., 326 (7395) 920

    ... important to reassure her that ECG does not indicate a barn door acute ... Despite two days of chest pain there are no marked ECG changes. ...

    www.bmj.com/cgi/eletters/326/7395/920

28. Welcome to wacotrib!

    The standard number of leads attached is 12 to 15 for a "diagnostic" ECG, but ... If a person has chest pain or palpitations, an ECG is helpful in determining if ...

    wacotrib.com/health/healthfd/shared/health/.../article/003868.html

29. Welcome to wacotrib!

    Cancer Center Home. Symptoms A-Z. More Features. Printer-friendly version. Chest pain. Definition ... ECG. Exercise ECG. Lung scan. X-rays of the chest ...

    wacotrib.com/health/content/shared/health/adam/.../1/003079.htm

30. Gender Bias in Acute Myocardial Infarction - Health - redOrbit

    Men had an average door-to-drug time of 30 minutes while women had an average ... L, Bisconti C, Camboni C, Chieffi et al.: Chest pain in women: a multi-center ...

    redorbit.com/news/health/107731/.../index.html

31. The Pre-Hospital Electrocardiogram and Time to Reperfusion in Patients ...

    ... or without chest pain (n = 11,301), and patients whose initial ECG was not ... accepted quality standards of 30 min for door-to-drug and 90 min for door-to ...

    content.onlinejacc.org/cgi/content/full/j.jacc.2005.10.077v1

32. Myocardial infarction - wikidoc

    ... many emergency departments and chest pain centers use computers capable of ... limitations, the 12 lead ECG stands at the center of risk stratification for the ...

    www.wikidoc.org/index.php/Myocardial_infarction

33. EBM TUTORIAL I

    ... to evaluate a 55 year-old woman admitted with chest pain whose ECG shows ... wallet-sized FORMULA NOMOGRAM(reproduced with permission of the UK's Center for ...

    www.scsr.nevada.edu/hospitalist/bayesian.htm

34. Time is Muscle: AN EXCLUSIVE SUPPLEMENT Sponsored by: ZOLL ...

    ... 12-lead ECG is performed on any patient complaining of chest pain or an anginal ... Another trial compared door-to-reperfusion times between patients who ...

    www.emsresponder.com/article/article.jsp?id=4211&siteSection=16

35. DISTANT Early ECG Warning Emergency Medical Services (EMSResponder.com)

    ... ECG to the hospital (St. Joseph's), Hayes also applied standard chest pain care, ... most advanced and comprehensive centers for cardiovascular medicine in ...

    www.emsresponder.com/publication/article.jsp?pubId=1&id=5007

36. Research Activities, August 2002: Feature Story: ECG-based diagnostic ...

    ... they put the patient at risk and open the door to a possible malpractice suit. ... key clinical factors for each ED patient with chest pain or related symptoms. ...

    www.ahrq.gov/research/aug02/0802RA1.htm

37. Emergency Severity Index Implementation Handbook: Chapter 3

    This dilemma led to a large, multi-center, prospective study that was conducted ... time sensitive (stable chest pain requires an ECG in 10 minutes of arrival), or ...

    www.ahrq.gov/research/esi/esi3.htm

38. JAMA -- Prevalence, Clinical Characteristics, and Mortality Among ...

    ... MI without chest pain also had signficantly longer door-to-treatment time ... without chest pain were significantly less likely to receive a timely ECG or ...

    jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/full/283/24/3223

39. Management of Patients With ST-Elevation Myocardial Infarction ...

    It does not appear to matter whether the institution designates itself a chest pain center. ... goal for patients with STEMI should be to achieve a door-to ...

    acc.org/.../clinical/guidelines/stemi/Guideline1/InitRecognition.htm

40. Management of Patients With ST-Elevation Myocardial Infarction ...

    ... responders who respond to patients with chest pain and/or suspected cardiac ... For patients who have ECG evidence of STEMI, it is reasonable that paramedics ...

    acc.org/.../clinical/guidelines/stemi/Guideline1/PrehospitalIssues.htm

41. Welcome to News-Journal!

    Heart Center Home. Symptoms A-Z. More Features. Printer-friendly version. Chest pain. Definition ... ECG. Exercise ECG. Lung scan. X-rays of the chest ...

    news-journal.com/health/content/shared/health/adam/.../1/003079.htm

42. Part 7: The Era of Reperfusion : Section 1: Acute Coronary Syndromes ...

    ... evaluation period may occur from door to data, from data (ECG) to decision, ... transmitted for approximately 85% of patients with chest pain who are ...

    circ.ahajournals.org/cgi/content/full/102/suppl_1/I-172

43. Part 8: Stabilization of the Patient With Acute Coronary Syndromes ...

    ... can administer morphine for chest pain unresponsive to nitroglycerin if ... period may occur from door to data, from data (ECG) to decision, and from ...

    circ.ahajournals.org/cgi/content/full/112/24_suppl/IV-89

44. Wireless transmission of eletrocardiograms to a cardiologist's hand ...

    ... for the small proportion of those patients with chest pain whose ECG is distinctly diagnostic. ... "The median 'door-to-reperfusion' time for those with a ...

    www.news-medical.net/?id=16633

45. myocardial infarction: Definition from Answers.com

    ... many emergency departments and chest pain centers use computers capable of ... limitations, the 12 lead ECG stands at the center of risk stratification for the ...

    www.answers.com/topic/myocardial-infarction

46. Heart attack information from Wikipedia - WrongDiagnosis.com

    Pleuritic Chest Pain (Field Guide to Bedside Diagnosis) ... Electrocardiogram (ECG/EKG) findings ... This time is referred to as the door-to-balloon time. ...

    www.wrongdiagnosis.com/h/heart_attack/wiki.htm

47. Myocardial infarction encyclopedia topics | Reference.com

    ... many emergency departments and chest pain centers use computers capable of ... limitations, the 12 lead ECG stands at the center of risk stratification for the ...

    www.reference.com/browse/Myocardial+infarction?jss=0

48. Coronary artery disease -- Cardiology Explained -- NCBI Bookshelf

    ... with clear cardiac chest pain should undergo an ECG immediately or as soon ... centers, coronary artery catheterization remains the diagnostic gold standard in ...

    www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/bookshelf/br.fcgi?book=cardio&part=A196

49. Time is Myocardium, Level One Newsletter, Emergency Medicine, UW Health ...

    ... to the home of a 50-year-old woman who is complaining of severe chest pain for 30 minutes. ... treatment, but ultimately has a door-to-balloon time of 60 ...

    www.uwhealth.org/emergencyroom/timeismyocardium/12252

50. RX OF MI- TWO DECADES OF PROGRESS

    ... emphasizes the importance of going to the ED within first hour of chest pain. ... thrombolytic therapy is the standard of care for appropriate patients with AMI. ...

    www.bcvmg.com/greene.html

http://www.brainandspinalcord.org/media-center/FactsAboutTBI.html

I tried embedding the video in this blog, but the code the site generated wouldn't "take". So, pay a visit to the site yourself and take a look. There are other videos too that I found helpful.

this morning, my mom told me to hang the laundry. i ran through the rain because i asked my cousin if i can use her dryer and she agreed. then after that, i have to go to the park for our shooting(f*** that subject). my umbrella is broken and i have to use even if it is useless for i got wet again i have to take my final exam in two subjects because i missed them last wednesday, i was sick from tuesday until thursday morning. it's a major headache (anatomy exams sucks.. really).

i don't want to be a nursing student. who said that being a nursing student is a good idea.. i'm telling you, it's not. it will kill you.. hahaha.. just kidding. good thing i didn't burn out.

~My wordpress pacifier was gone, woe is me!  I went to bed pouting.

~I went to bed and I bumped my head just like the nursery rhyme. Only this time, I bumped my head first. I didn't see the wall reach out and smack me.  The corner of it no less.  Now I have a 'goose egg' and a headache. 

When it happened. Little and big A got me ice.  The bent over me, concerned, seeing their mother knocked flat on her ass by a wall.  "oooh, that doesn't look so good" said one of them.    I slept. 

 "he" had night duty and came home and cooked fried chicken.   He kissed  my shiny goose egg.  I slept. 

~hours later, the cable is back on.  Here I am. blogging.  With a giant headache.

~TGIF people. 

~working out after work was awesome.  I feel fit and fab already.  The place was so empty at that hour (5 p.m.) that I felt like I was in my own multi million dollar gym.  There was another lady there in the cardio room, but she got booted out cuz she brought her young kids with her...a no no.

~I worked my quads to muscle failure today.    bi's and tri's, hammies, and quads, abs and lats, presses and squats...  No, I am NOT going for the manly, no boobie woman weight lifter look!   I just want men to wet their pants when they see me...(heeeee!)

~You can have a indoor pool party at this gym by reserving the pool 2 weeks in advance.  It costs 95.00 to do that. 

I think I feel a pool party coming on...:-)

~Work was a breeze today.  Me and other noob had orientation for 3 hours in the morning.  That was pretty pointless.  We were so bored to death. 

~ Other noob/friend/coworker and I:  we're cut from the same cloth. 

 We both giggled like school girls and made fun of the lawyer who came and talked to us about legal ethics and rules on the job.

~We've been told that our office is moving shortly to another part of the hospital.  Yay.  I hope the new office has a window.

~I had to just about break an arm to get little A to do her homework today. She was more interested in the chocolate chunk brownies big A made. 

~the presidential campaign is now officially on my last nerve.  I secretly hope a third party comes from no where, that no one even paid attention to before and gets all the votes.

~The stock market is now officially on my last nerve.  And I don't even have any stocks! 

~just a thought, but isn't OJ really innocent by reason of insanity?  I think we should let him go. Yeah!  Free OJ Simpson...yeahhhhh....uh....NO!

~I'll be back to my own bloggy self tommorrow.  Right now, I need some sleep.  My head with it's hideous swollen bump on the front is throbbing. 

woke up today with a horrible headache... a bad dream abt being broke and ill and being forced to go back to teaching preschool ... ugh!... ulcers irritating me today... and my ears blocked again... low low energy & high high irritability - i feel sorry for my friend who has to bear up with me... 

it's times like these that i despair of ever being in a love-relationship... i need too much space... i love too intensely... my passion for love runs really deep but i am also too passionate abt my own stuff, and get irritable when i feel encroached upon... little things rile me, like wet bathroom floors n' messy kitchen sinks; burping, slurping, munching sounds; being asked what i am doing when i am working on something on my own or just being quiet... the list goes on...

yet, there is a part of me that yearns for companionship... it is a tiny small part of me, yet it is deep n' very intense, and no less important than the rest of me...

indigestion... right now... i hv to learn to deal with my over stimulated senses... and do so tactfully, kindly and lovingly so as not to hurt someone who means a great deal to me... a good caring friend...

After 4 hours worth of job training, I settle for taking the tube or bus home when I find I can't mooch a lift. It all starts with getting a bus, reaching my destination, having a little window shop before getting another bus to start on my journey home... Except this bus decides to stop at the bus stop for a bit.

The driver announced over the tannoy(?): "Everybody off the bus!" Before playing a pre-recording of "find your nearest exit" with the lady's soothing voice. While waiting to get off of the top deck, I notice a strange burning smell. Naturally I become curious so turn around to see smoke billowing out of the back of the bus. Naturally again my reaction of "Oh Shit!" and my urgenecy of trying to get off and bashing into the back of the person in front caused a little bit of embarrassment...

Coward!

After a (very) slow exit from the bus I go to check the back and see the driver open the flap concealing the engine and witness a huge gush of steam come racing out. There was also this white foamy type liquid leaking all over the ground (coolant apparently) but it didn't seem to be on fire... Just really really hot and non-functioning.

After this little bit of strangeness (and on losing 90p!) I decide I've had enough of the buses and start walking. I look up to see a passenger airline (plane) at an angle in the sky, about 30-45 degrees. So there I am, walking along a very busy road with blocked bus lane and horns honking left right and centre, and I'm staring up into the sky at a plane which seemed to have taken a wrong turning as it does a turn that looks a lot like it was going back on itself... Good directions...

This is all from suffereing a huuuuge headache and a fainting sensation.

I thought that was the weirdest of weird I'd be seeing today, and then I saw a cloud... a cloud that was completely vertical and not surrounded by any other. And it was a dark grey / black.

What the hell is going on?

But secretly, deep down inside - I wish myself "tsom kal".

I wasn't that hungry towards the end of the fast. But I was exhausted. The lack of energy, and the headache. The hammering headache. Every single yom kippur. Is it lack of fluids because I'm not drinking, or is it lack of caffeine? I broke my fast with a pita bread, a glass of water and a cup of coffee. After an hour I had a full meal. I'll take another cup of coffee soon to get my caffeine balance on track. My wife's headache was worse. She even had to break the fast because of it. I really hope this will work. I sent her a question about it. Maybe it'll go better next year?

If we had no kids we would be able to stay in bed reading the Bible the entire day. No work, no dishes (since we don't eat), just rest and be together and with God. But we have kids to entertain. We were actually very tired today. Not because lack of sleep (as usual) but rather because of too much sleep. We actually went to sleep yesterday evening at 18:30 and slept the whole night until 06:00! Eleven and a half hour of sleep! Man, we needed that. But it made us tired. And we had sore backs.

The idea also struck me that if the leaders of the country would use this time of the year to apologize to their people for any mistakes they have done - wouldn't that be awesome? Every leader would be required to apologize for something, as we all make mistakes. Olmert would have a lot to say... but I guess he is a bit busy now, drilling holes.

Anyway. I have been talking to the kids about yom kippur and what it's all about. Bringing up the story of Jonah and the regret of the people of Nineveh, as usually on Yom Kippur. And then I read them the beautiful story about the selfish giant by Oscar Wilde. I really really like it, and it's so perfect for Yom Kippur. How Jesus came and took away the selfishness from his heart, and how everything became good again. And after that he kept looking for Jesus, not knowing it was him, finding him only on the day of his death, when Jesus came to take him to heaven. I always have tears in my eyes when I reach the end of that story. The kids really liked it too.
The Selfish Giant

Every afternoon, as they were coming from school, the children used to go and play in the Giant's garden.
    It was a large lovely garden, with soft green grass. Here and there over the grass stood beautiful flowers like stars, and there were twelve peach-trees that in the spring-time broke out into delicate blossoms of pink and pearl, and in the autumn bore rich fruit. The birds sat on the trees and sang so sweetly that the children used to stop their games in order to listen to them. 'How happy we are here!' they cried to each other.
    One day the Giant came back. He had been to visit his friend the Cornish ogre, and had stayed with him for seven years. After the seven years were over he had said all that he had to say, for his conversation was limited, and he determined to return to his own castle. When he arrived he saw the children playing in the garden.
    'What are you doing here?' he cried in a very gruff voice, and the children ran away.
    'My own garden is my own garden,' said the Giant; 'any one can understand that, and I will allow nobody to play in it but myself.' So he built a high wall all round it, and put up a notice-board.

    TRESPASSERS
    WILL BE
    PROSECUTED

    He was a very selfish Giant.

    The poor children had now nowhere to play. They tried to play on the road, but the road was very dusty and full of hard stones, and they did not like it. They used to wander round the high wall when their lessons were over, and talk about the beautiful garden inside.
    'How happy we were there,' they said to each other.
    Then the Spring came, and all over the country there were little blossoms and little birds. Only in the garden of the Selfish Giant it was still Winter. The birds did not care to sing in it as there were no children, and the trees forgot to blossom. Once a beautiful flower put its head out from the grass, but when it saw the notice-board it was so sorry for the children that it slipped back into the ground again, and went off to sleep. The only people who were pleased were the Snow and the Frost. 'Spring has forgotten this garden,' they cried, 'so we will live here all the year round.' The Snow covered up the grass with her great white cloak, and the Frost painted all the trees silver. Then they invited the North Wind to stay with them, and he came. He was wrapped in furs, and he roared all day about the garden, and blew the chimney-pots down. 'This is a delightful spot,' he said, 'we must ask the Hail on a visit.' So the Hail came. Every day for three hours he rattled on the roof of the castle till he broke most of the slates, and then he ran round and round the garden as fast as he could go. He was dressed in grey, and his breath was like ice.
    'I cannot understand why the Spring is so late in coming,' said the Selfish Giant, as he sat at the window and looked out at his cold white garden; 'I hope there will be a change in the weather.'
    But the Spring never came, nor the Summer. The Autumn gave golden fruit to every garden, but to the Giant's garden she gave none. 'He is too selfish,' she said. So it was always Winter there, and the North Wind, and the Hail, and the Frost, and the Snow danced about through the trees.

    One morning the Giant was lying awake in bed when he heard some lovely music. It sounded so sweet to his ears that he thought it must be the King's musicians passing by. It was really only a little linnet singing outside his window, but it was so long since he had heard a bird sing in his garden that it seemed to him to be the most beautiful music in the world. Then the Hail stopped dancing over his head, and the North Wind ceased roaring, and a delicious perfume came to him through the open casement. 'I believe the Spring has come at last,' said the Giant; and he jumped out of bed and looked out.
    What did he see?
    He saw a most wonderful sight. Through a little hole in the wall the children had crept in, and they were sitting in the branches of the trees. In every tree that he could see there was a little child. And the trees were so glad to have the children back again that they had covered themselves with blossoms, and were waving their arms gently above the children's heads. The birds were flying about and twittering with delight, and the flowers were looking up through the green grass and laughing. It was a lovely scene, only in one corner it was still Winter. It was the farthest corner of the garden, and in it was standing a little boy. He was so small that he could not reach up to the branches of the tree, and he was wandering all round it, crying bitterly. The poor tree was still quite covered with frost and snow, and the North Wind was blowing and roaring above it. 'Climb up! little boy,' said the Tree, and it bent its branches down as low as it could; but the little boy was too tiny.
    And the Giant's heart melted as he looked out. 'How selfish I have been!' he said; 'now I know why the Spring would not come here. I will put that poor little boy on the top of the tree, and then I will knock down the wall, and my garden shall be the children's playground for ever and ever.' He was really very sorry for what he had done.

    So he crept downstairs and opened the front door quite softly, and went out into the garden. But when the children saw him they were so frightened that they all ran away, and the garden became Winter again. Only the little boy did not run, for his eyes were so full of tears that he died not see the Giant coming. And the Giant stole up behind him and took him gently in his hand, and put him up into the tree. And the tree broke at once into blossom, and the birds came and sang on it, and the little boy stretched out his two arms and flung them round the Giant's neck, and kissed him. And the other children, when they saw that the Giant was not wicked any longer, came running back, and with them came the Spring. 'It is your garden now, little children,' said the Giant, and he took a great axe and knocked down the wall. And when the people were gong to market at twelve o'clock they found the Giant playing with the children in the most beautiful garden they had ever seen.
    All day long they played, and in the evening they came to the Giant to bid him good-bye.
    'But where is your little companion?' he said: 'the boy I put into the tree.' The Giant loved him the best because he had kissed him.
    'We don't know,' answered the children; 'he has gone away.'
    'You must tell him to be sure and come here to-morrow,' said the Giant. But the children said that they did not know where he lived, and had never seen him before; and the Giant felt very sad.
    Every afternoon, when school was over, the children came and played with the Giant. But the little boy whom the Giant loved was never seen again. The Giant was very kind to all the children, yet he longed for his first little friend, and often spoke of him. 'How I would like to see him!' he used to say.
    Years went over, and the Giant grew very old and feeble. He could not play about any more, so he sat in a huge armchair, and watched the children at their games, and admired his garden. 'I have many beautiful flowers,' he said; 'but the children are the most beautiful flowers of all.'

    One winter morning he looked out of his window as he was dressing. He did not hate the Winter now, for he knew that it was merely the Spring asleep, and that the flowers were resting.
    Suddenly he rubbed his eyes in wonder, and looked and looked. It certainly was a marvellous sight. In the farthest corner of the garden was a tree quite covered with lovely white blossoms. Its branches were all golden, and silver fruit hung down from them, and underneath it stood the little boy he had loved.
    Downstairs ran the Giant in great joy, and out into the garden. He hastened across the grass, and came near to the child. And when he came quite close his face grew red with anger, and he said, 'Who hath dared to wound thee?' For on the palms of the child's hands were the prints of two nails, and the prints of two nails were on the little feet.
    'Who hath dared to wound thee?' cried the Giant; 'tell me, that I may take my big sword and slay him.'
    'Nay!' answered the child; 'but these are the wounds of Love.'
    'Who art thou?' said the Giant, and a strange awe fell on him, and he knelt before the little child.
    And the child smiled on the Giant, and said to him, 'You let me play once in your garden, to-day you shall come with me to my garden, which is Paradise.'
    And when the children ran in that afternoon, they found the Giant lying dead under the tree, all covered with white blossoms.

(Taken from http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/SelGia.shtml and it's hopefully the true original)

So thanks to Simon and his sudden flash of decisiveness we organised a Saturday arvo rendezvous at the place he was house sitting. I arrived at one and we headed out to browse a few post-modern clothing shops and enjoy lunch together. It was such a pleasant day. The sun was out of hibernation and the streets were full of happy people. We wondered around, talked trash non-stop, ate red licorice and had a genuinely good time keeping each other company. It was an off-beat cliche and we were the stars.

A few hours later we were back at the house seated on the couch. Buddy, one of the two whippets Simon was looking after, had made himself centre of attention by snuggling inbewteen the two of us. This should have been one of those sofa situations where the boys casually puts his arm around behind you, you lean in ever so slightly and then next thing you know someone else's tongue is inside your mouth and you're helping them take off their shirt. But no. The barrier made by kanine flesh, hair and breath ensured we kept our hands in appropriate places. It was actually pretty uncomfortable. Neither of us was about to be so bold as to kick Buddy off the couch and spin the room RnB. Instead we sat there and basked in the risibility of the situation.

I couldn't take it any more. Things were going no where and I wasn't feeling 100 per cent.
"Hey, I think I might head home now. I've got a bit of a headache and I'm fagged."
I grabbed my bag and headed out the front door. I hesitated on the step to see what would happen. I wondered how this goodbye would go. Simon stood half-in/half-out the door.
"So we're back to this again..."
"Yeah... I know. The thing is... Well, Jamie, I don't know if you like me or not."
"Simon, I like you. I do like you but I just don't know..."
"I can understand that. Getting to know someone and then going overseas... Well, I like you but I don't know what you want to do."

Simon had no more time for words. I threw my arms around him and we did what we should've done on the couch in the front lawn. It was a strange situation with him still stuck in the door way and the dogs looking on.
"Come back inside." He nodded his head towards the loungeroom.
"Yeah, OK."
I let go and slipped back into the house. I wondered if he understood that my "I don't know" was more for his sake than my own. Had he figured out yet what he was dealing with?

We kissed as we held each other and said soft thoughts. I realised I hadn't had a proper hug in such a long time. It felt good to be in his arms. I liked the way he brushed the hair from my face, kissed my forehead and then inhaled strongly while muzzeling my neck.
"You wanna go lie down?" Simon whispered. I just laughed at his terrible skill of saying dumb things.
"Uggh, I feel like such a sleaze bag."
"No, it's OK. You're not a sleaze bag. Well, maybe just one sleaze but not a whole bag full." I pulled away.
"You know I wasn't lying when I said I had a headache."
"Oh, I didn't even realise. I was just thinking 'Will I kiss her again or not?' That's it."

I left him shouting out something about a phone call and headed home. I actually would've like to have stayed longer, stayed the night even, but my throbbing head  wouldn't allow it. As I pulled away I was still wondering what the hell I was doing. Why didn't I just take some paracetamol?

To be continued...

I’m not feeling too good right now. I was feeling a bit off yesterday, but I thought I’d just get an early night and it would clear up. Instead, I woke up this morning with a headache, a sore throat and watery eyes.

I think it might have been a mistake to go into school this morning. I didn’t think I was too poorly for school, apart from the occasional sneeze it didn’t seem too bad, but then I started to get a temperature round about lesson 4, so I’m glad to be home now.

I just hope I don’t have something contagious, because if it is, I’ve probably given it to everyone else now!

Ugh, why do we have to get sick anyway? With all our immune systems and our medicine and so on, you’d think we’d be able to cope with a few germs by now!

I’m just making myself some soup. I think I’m going to spend the rest of the day at home.

[gallery]

I think I had some stuff to say.  I don't remember what.  Like about a friend moving away or all of the fun and creative crap I have been up to or maybe about the books I am reading or stuff I have been planning on doing...

So- things are great and I have been busy doing this and that BUT THE STUPID HEADACHE IS TAKING FROM ALL OF THAT.

I am not a fan of taking stuff (unless you count the occasional self-medicating with cocktails, and by occasional I mean about twice or thrice a week) but this evening I have taken one of each of the headache remedies I found in the cupboard.  I hope I feel up to ranting and raving at the television when the debate comes on.

Here is some stuff from my phone.

Here is a video

never mind.  My head hurts.

Anyway-go figure Sunday afternoon, I started getting some other funk going on, so by the time I left the doctor today I was told I have a double ear infection, a sinus infection, and I need a cat scan of my sinus' and my brain.  The second of which is going to require an I.V. 

I'm feeling very apprehensive, particularly since I'm going this Friday, when Jason is out of town.  Thanks to the calm wisdom my mom dished out, I'm feeling a little better about the situation.  I'd certainly appreciate some prayer though; I will be a nervous wreck on Friday (and probably the next few days as well).  The dr. didn't say that she was 'looking' for something, but just wanted to see what things she could rule out by doing the cat scan.

Have you had any?  If you have I would love to hear from you....

• Great to have the rain but it brought a headache with it!
• Pulled into Sonic.......and then I realized everyone else in Lebanon decided to do the same thing for lunch!  No place for me little "rice burner"!  Oh well.....

Have a great day and let me hear from you and your off the wall disappointments for the day!

]]> http://lizsarno.wordpress.com/?p=156 Tue, 07 Oct 2008 16:55:22 +0000 lizsarno http://lizsarno.pt-br.wordpress.com/2008/10/07/dont-stop-knocking/ Matthew 7:7-11   7Keep on asking and it will be given you;  keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you.   8For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, [the door] will be opened.    9Or what man is there of you, if his son asks him for a loaf of bread, will hand him a stone?    10Or if he asks for a fish, will hand him a serpent?   11If you then, evil as you are, know how to give good and advantageous gifts to your children, how much more will your Father Who is in heaven [perfect as He is] give good and advantageous things to those who keep on asking Him!
We are told to ask and it will be given to us. Mark 11:22-24 says 22And Jesus, replying, said to them, Have faith in God [constantly]. 23Truly I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, Be lifted up and thrown into the sea! and does not doubt at all in his heart but believes that what he says will take place, it will be done for him.  24For this reason I am telling you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe (trust and be confident) that it is granted to you, and you will [get it]. When we mix faith with our requests, we see that we can have what we ask for. As today's passage says we must keep on. To keep on means to continue steadily or obstinately despite problems, difficulties or obstacles, to refuse to budge. Many times we may start out in faith, but as circumstances and situations arise we let go of what we believe.
This is something I actually encountered today on a small scale. I was going to do some errands and as I was driving to my first stop, I got a tremendous pain in my head. My first thought was honestly, I should take an aspirin when I get back to the office. My second thought was- it says in the Word in Isaiah 53:5 5But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole. So I said right there in my car, "Thank you God that you died so that I don't have to be in pain. You promise health and life in Your Word. Now pain I command you in the name of Jesus to leave my head right now and not come back!" The pain did not immediately go, but I know what the Word says and I believe it no matter what it looks like or feels like. When the devil tried to tell me, "You better take a Tylenol, the pain isn't leaving" I said again, "Pain, I commanded you to leave. You have no place in my body, no place in my head and you can't bother me anymore." Almost instantly I began to feel the pain leave my head. About an hour later, I felt it try to creep back in, so I told it to leave again and it did. That's persistence! I could have said after praying the first time, "Guess that didn't work, get out the pain relievers", but I have learned enough of the Word to be able to stand my ground. I am not saying there is anything wrong with taking an aspirin, but each one of us possesses power and authority over sickness and disease, and for that matter, over anything else that may try to come against us. We have to learn to stand our ground. To be obstinate and not to back up on what we believe. If we ask, we will receive. If we seek we will find, and if we knock the door will be opened to us. Just don't quit on what you believe. Be persistent and you will see God come through for you every time!

Also, I must remind myself that if I accomplish nothing tomorrow it'll be certain that my headache will be persistent. I want it not!

Another two attacks of bloody headache. And there was mild dizziness. Bloody troublesome.

I still have cough, but at least it's not as troublesome as it used to be especially when I just started having it.

@~~>----------<~~@

On the other hand, I've realized that it took me four years of college before I'd realize that I am Passive-Aggressive. At least it's not that late. Still, I wish I've known earlier.

I know there are still more to know about myself and I want to know the real me soon.

Writing research papers are almost akin to getting drunk the night before and crawling into bed with a stranger. You wake up in the morning and view what you have next to you in a horror. Sometimes you wake up and you don't know where you are. And usually you wake up with some memory loss over what happened the night before and a gigantic headache.

That's what I felt like this morning when I flipped to my right and saw this-->

I keep telling myself after today I will be done with this paper forever.... just need to churn out another 2000 words.... 2000 words.... I could write a 1000 worded blog entry in 45 minutes but why does it take me 3 hours just to do 1000 words for research on Copyright Laws?!!

Can't you see my writer's angst? Compulsory pack of Cigarettes (Alpines to be exact. They should change their brand name because it sounds like a type of toilet cleaning agent), and of course a cup of strong coffee in My Green Mug. It's mine. No one uses it. Glass of water that's forever there, to wet my whistle, bottle of Rosken to moisturise the hand that's closest to the window and the harsh winds that blow in, my big trusty butt bucket for cigarette butts, my untidy unmade bed reflected in the mirror...various other crap, and Isolde hiding behind the laptop. The tootbrush has a special place in my heart. It's for brushing lint off my coat. And the gold cosmetic brush that's too rough for my face is used to sweep dust off the keyboards (please don't tell my mom, it was a gift from her.) I know I know...

Will get started on my paper. AGAIN.

My tags are always stupid.

a friend of mine told me that i have to end this nonsense which is i'm about to do but i don't know how to. i know that this is morally wrong and i do believe that this is just a test of faith. i should take my friend's advice and go on with life. i should look for the right one..hahaha.. how i wish to see him soon! hay. so help me GOD.

i should thank my friend for giving an advice.  thanks to Mara.. hahaha.. thanks Friend!