Jeremy Sisto: 34

Elisabeth Shue: 45

Rock me sexy Jesus! Steve Coogan is possibly the funniest thing since Anchorman. I saw this back in Sept. and really wanted to share with readers the glory that is Hamlet 2. However I couldn't quiet put my finger in it. Hamlet 2 is a very gay film... com'on a rock musical about Jesus? Originally I thought disaster in the form of drama teacher. Now I think, glorious disaster in the form of drama teacher! Anyone that loves drama or effing hates it... this film is for you. So many precious moments of perfect timing and character nuances.  Not to mention co-starring one of my all time favourite ladies to watch act like a bitch, Catherine "The Balls" Keener. And bit parts from Adventures In Babysitting star Elisabeth Shue and SNL's, Amy Pohler. However the cake really goes to Coogan here, who is at the top of his game. I wish I could be geeky enough to find the time codes for every little bizarre and silly noise Coogan made and cut an adoration video like those goddamn L-word fan vids. I hate those fucking things... strangely I can watch them for hours, amazed at the commitment it takes to make 2 minutes and 47 seconds of Shane fucking every chick that has ever made it into the credits. Coogan deserves a fan video on youtube! But because I can't find a good one, I'll share this little ditty...

...It's not gay porn, in case you were unsure.

Something else that didn’t need a sequel…

Starring Steve Coogan, Catherine Keener, David Arquette, and Elisabeth Shue. Directed by Andrew Fleming.

“Rock me, rock me/ Rock me sexy Jesus…”

Maybe I’m getting a little ahead of myself here. Coogan (“Hot Fuzz,” “Tropic Thunder”) stars as failed actor-turned-high school drama teacher Dana Marschz (which no one can pronounce correctly). The effeminate teacher lives in Tucson, AZ where he teaches drama and puts on plays based on popular movies; when the movie starts the senior play is “Erin Brokovich.” He is married to Brie (Keener) who hopes that he’ll quit his teaching job in order to go back to working at Rite Aid so they can have some money and kick-out their current boarder Gary (Arquette). Added to his marital woes is the possibility he may be “shooting blanks.”

If that wasn’t enough Mesa HS has cut back on all their art programs leaving only the drama department, which Marschz is soon notified will be cut after the end of the semester. In a desperate attempt to save theatre, he locks himself into his office and creates “Hamlet 2,” a sequel to the original that entails Hamlet going back in time to stop everyone from dying and in the process, forgiving his father. Somehow, Jesus Christ, Albert Einstein, and Satan are all part of the process. When the principal is given the script and all but shuts the production down due to its controversial nature, his drama students decide to take it “off campus,” thus upping the controversy ante. In walks Cricket Feldstein (Amy Poehler), an ACLU rep who will stop at nothing to preserve free speech, or at least sue for it. Lastly is Elisabeth Shue as herself; she works as a nurse because she got tired of all the crap that happens in the world of acting.

Lest I forget the music numbers “Raped in the Face,” and “Rock Me Sexy Jesus,” as well as “Maniac” and “Someone Saved My Life Tonight” as sung by the Gay Men’s Choir of Tucson.

So, what did I think?

When I first saw the trailer I couldn’t get the “Rock Me Sexy Jesus” riff out of my head. It’s damned catchy. And when you see it in the movie, you love it by the end. However, what hurts this movie is the “trailer syndrome”: everything funny about the movie is showcased within the 2-5 min cinematic promo. And the fact that the first half of the movie  d r a g s. Everything seemed to play out for the sake of playing out. Around Act 4/5 of the movie everything picks up and becomes more enjoyable.

Outside of the musical numbers there is the core of what the script was written about: a father disapproving of what a son wanted to do with his life and the later reconciliation/forgiveness. That I haven’t seen dealt with before. Coogan does a good job at being the “every artist” with a “denouncing dad” complex. Outside of that, I wished the film was either more dramatic or more comedic.

Do I recommend this? Maybe video rental.

My grade: C+

Besides Elisabeth Shue, the best part about my trip to the movie theatre yesterday was the fact that I was carded to get into the R-rated movie. I'm roughly 26 years old (it's my birthday week, I won't tell you which day) and the guy at the ticket booth actually had to verify my age to make sure I was over 17.

I can't even remember the last time I was carded at the movies! I was so flattered!

Steve Coogan and Co. go absolutely insane in Hamlet 2

by Gary Sundt

Okay... so Hamlet 2 is about Dana Marschz (Steve Coogan), a struggling actor-turned-high school drama teacher who needs a good play to save the department, which is being cut as a result of a) a tightening budget, and b) the fact that the plays (which have all been adaptations of movies, like Eric Brockovich) aren't "Oscar-winning or anything." After reaching deep down in the creative well, the teacher comes up with Hamlet 2, a sequel to the classic Shakespearean masterpiece. The show is about how Hamlet and Jesus Christ travel through time to save everyone that dies at the end of Hamlet (which, according to this movie, is everyone in the play).

Does this sound especially awful? The play definitely is, but the film isn't. It really isn't. It's laugh-out-loud hilarious most of the time, due in no small part to the great cast led by the brilliant Coogan. This was the flick at Sundance that found the people who saw it making fun of the people who didn't. Appropriate that happened, really. The movie is as mean as any episode of South Park, which might be due to the fact that the co-writer of Hamlet 2, Pam Brady, was one of the writers on both South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut and Team America: World Police.

But enough about how mean the movie is. Let's focus on how funny it is. Director Andrew Fleming is a hit/miss filmmaker, with the hilarious Dick to his credit, but the utterly underwhelming The In-Laws and Nancy Drew tarnishing his record (The Craft is a fence-sitter - a love it-or-hate it affair). With Hamlet 2, he has been given the gift of Coogan, who carries this movie all the way to the hilarious stage show and beyond. This will no doubt be a star-turning role for the actor, much in the same way Napoleon Dynamite was for Jon Heder. If Coogan's very expansive resume is any indication, it will not be a mistake.

If it hasn't become very clear, I like Steve Coogan's work as Dana Marschz. If the actor were to put on a one man adaptation of this movie (ala Patrick Stewart's Olivier Award-winning work in A Christmas Carol), I would be the first in line for tickets. However, the film's supporting cast is just as valuable in making this comedy shine, and I suppose they need love too.

He has his wife (Catherine Keener), who hasn't been able to get pregnant and thinks Dana's tight bike shorts are to blame, and their roommate Gary (David Arquette), who doesn't think much of anything. At school, his life is made difficult by his boss and nemesis, Principal Rocker (Marshall Bell). There is Octavio (Joseph Julian Soria), the streetwise actor-in-the-rough, who the teacher thinks is just a thug until he finds out he has been accepted to Brown. And finally we have the "drama pets," Rand (Skylar Astin) and Epiphany (Phoebe Strole), who are just hilarious and very much reminded me of similar acquaintances in high school.

And then there is Elisabeth Shue as herself. She plays Dana's hero and muse. And it is very, very funny.

Everybody in the cast works, and succeeds, at playing it straight against Coogan's manic energy. In fact, its everyone else's realistic composure that makes the nutty drama teacher's behavior just all the more wonderful. This might be exemplified by the unsung hero of Hamlet 2, freshman drama critic Noah Sapperstein (Shea Pepe). Dana desperately pines for the lad's approval, who responds with logic and reason. And, like all interactions in the film, all logic and reason is taken to insane and illogical extremes.

Proof: Consider the plot of Hamlet 2. When faced with the impending destruction of his precious drama program, the drama critic's advice for Dana to make an original play, not one based off of movies he has seen. His reaction is to make a sequel.

Note: Hamlet 2 is set in Tucson, AZ, and the film hates the city a whole lot. While I understand to a degree (I used to live there myself), I had an opportunity to personally ask the cast and crew about this, and it became painfully obvious they had never really been to Tucson. In one of the recent television advertisements following this encounter, there can be found a list of individuals and groups that the film apologizes to. The City of Tucson made that list. I'm not saying I'm responsible. I'm just saying.

Note 2: The film insists that everyone dies at the end of Hamlet. This is not true. Most of the really interesting people die, but some people survive. Who would feed the final lines in Shakespeare if some poor schmuck didn't survive it all?

Running time: 92 minutes. Directed by Andrew Fleming. Produced by Eric Eisner, Leonid Rozhetskin and Aaron Ryder. Written by Pam Brady and Andrew Fleming. Starring Steve Coogan, Catherine Keener, Joseph Julian Soria, Skylar Astin, Phoebe Strole, David Arquette, Marshall Bell, Shea Pepe and Elizabeth Shue. A Focus Features release. Rated R

Do Cavaleiro das Trevas para o Cavaleiro Invisível

David Goyer, roteirista do sucesso Cavaleiro das Trevas, confirmou preparar o roteiro de uma nova versão de Homem Invisível para a Universal. O estúdio procura recriar seus clássicos filmes de monstro como A Múmia e Van Helsing. Agora, a intenção é resgatar o Homem Invisível. Mas o roteirista alerta que o filme não será uma refilmagem do clássico de Claude Rains. Goyer, que também pretende fazer o filme solo de Magneto, do tradicional inimigo dos X-Men, explica que o novo ser invisível será sobrinho do primeiro protagonista. Muitos dos personagens criados por H.G. Wells no imortal romance serão incluidos na nova trama. Goyer pretende quebrar alguns limites com a inclusão da Scotland Yard e elementos de espionagem. Afinal, alguém invisível poderia facilmente conseguir boas informações no Império Russo. Tranquem seus banheiros.

###

Rápidas

Um professor rigoroso pretende realizar uma peça musical baseada em Hamlet na comédia Hamlet II, sucesso do Sundance Film Festival 2008, dedicado ao cinema independente. No elenco, Steve Coogan, Catherine Keener, Amy Poehler, David Arquette e Elisabeth Shue. E agora, Shakespeare?

If it didn't include Alicia Silverstone, it wouldn't have been a definitive list. With just one movie (Clueless), she defined teen queendom.

Others on the list are Molly Ringwald (Pretty In Pink), Kirsten Dunst (Bring It On), Winona Ryder (Heathers), Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls), Jennifer Grey (Ferris Bueller's Day Off), Julia Stiles (10 Things I Hate About You), Reese Witherspoon (Fear), Jennifer Love Hewitt (I Know What You Did Last Summer), and Elisabeth Shue (The Karate Kid).

Personally, I'm wondering why Mandy Moore isn't included.

The Jon was going to start with some weak writing about the shortened H2H matchups this week ... it was something like this:

With the All Star break over, fantasy managers faced the worst matchup week ever: The some odd four days of games after the Midsummer Classic. Four days does not a good H2H week make or something. A lot of teams got helped by the fewer games with double-digit wins while other mangers got the flip side.

Man, that's weak. So instead, take a look at the best play of the actual All Star game of Ichiro gunning down Albert Pujols. First of all, the ball looked foul and then when it came up fair with the perfect hop, there was no way Pujols was going to test Ichiro ... but then you saw Ichiro's bullet and knew Pujols was going for second.

The result was never in doubt ... although Pujols did look safe. But The Jon is rambling, let's talk baseball, shortened week and all.

Speaking of All Star lineups ...

Kelly Preston, Crystal Bernard, and Claudia Christian in the early '80s. That's a lineup even with Bernard and her hairbear style. Hey, Bernard was it back in the early '80s ... don't make The Jon pull out the "It's a Living" video.

There's a war going on ...

There are only a couple of weeks before the trading deadline in fantasy leagues. Now is the time to decide what direction your team is headed. It's a war, son. Trade offers get floated around and managers try to one up each other.

But you know this, so why all this?

One simple rule.

Trades win championships. If you never make a trade and win the your league, consider yourself lucky.

So why all of this again?

Well, at TheBaseballStars, we know what terms people search to get to our site. One that always pops up is "fantasy baseball trades, "or "should I trade Atkins for so and so."

Well, we can answer your questions ... we even have a space for it in the top left, it looks like this:

Need advice?

Send us an e-mail and we will post our responses here

The waste of space

Every league has one manager that doesn't do jack. The State league has one that just happens to lose every season and leaves trade offers proposed to him for two weeks on end. The Jon has found a way around this.

One season The Jon e-mailed this manager for three straight weeks.

Every single day.

So, The Jon trying to improve his freefalling team sent this message for five straight days:

Who are you going to keep in baseball?
I'm looking at Kinsler or Lidge and have a third round pick to play with or Vlad to deal at the end of the season.

This was the response:

Haven't given it much thought. Wake me up for football.
Berkman off the top of the head. Yahoo's not loading at the moment.

PS broken wrist, I'm limiting my typing as I heal out.

Yeah, reading comprehension. Look it up. Answer the flipping question next time ... see, waste of space.

Searchin' (Roy Ayers)

Actual search terms to get to this site:

grady sizemore girlfriend

C'mon, Newspaperman. You write for this site.

top 5 movies in baseball movies

Don't worry, The Jon has vacation next week. No. 4 is coming up.

david wright naked

Naughty, Newspaperman. You are naughty.

greatest things about baseball

That's easy. Its unifying force, green grass, hot dogs, blue sky, TheBaseballStars.com.

would you trade atkins for crawford

Why don't you just ask?

mrs. hanley ramirez

Never seen her, but Newspaperman has dibs on the name.

grady sizemore gay

The Jon refuses to comment.

"the jon" baseball

The word is starting to spread.

karate kid elizabeth shue

sex grady sizemore

OK, Newspaperman ... you need to stop.

If you can't beat 'em

So The Jon apologizes ... this has to be the weakest writing output so far from The Greatness. Whenever something is bad and you are too short on time for the green-eyed ... aw screw it, here's "Buy You Some."

Good luck this week.

(tratto da Nuovo Oggi di venerdì 18 luglio 2008) - La storia si basa su fatti realmente accaduti alla famiglia Shue. Una famiglia conosciuta nel mondo per il cinema, ma nelle cui vene è sempre circolato il sangue caldo del celacio. Il produttore e co-interprete Andrew Shue, che i più ricordano per aver interpretato Billy Campbell nella serie tv 'Melrose Place', e l'attrice nominata agli Academy Award® Elisabeth Shue, hanno prodotto un film sulla storia della loro famiglia. Un film con il calcio protagonista assoluto e con lo scopo principale di ricordare il fratello maggiore scomparso da ragazzo in un'incidente automobilistico. Elisabeth da ragazzina giocava nella squadra della scuola, mentre Andrew prima di passare al cinema è stato un calciatore professionista ed ha anche militato nella 'Major League Soccer' tra le fila dei 'Los Angeles Galaxy'.
La storia di 'Il mio sogno più grande' quindi parla della quindicenne Gracie Bowen (Carly Schroeder) vive a South Orange nel New Jersey ed è l'unica femmina in una famiglia di tre figli maschi. La vita dei Bowen ruota quasi esclusivamente attorno agli uomini della famiglia finchè un giorno si verifica un triste evento: Johnny (Jesse Lee Soffer), il fratello maggiore di Gracie - suo unico alleato all'interno della famiglia - rimane ucciso in un incidente automobilistico. Gracie decide di riempire il vuoto lasciato dal fratello impiegando tutti i suoi sforzi per convincere suo padre e i suoi fratelli che lei è forte abbastanza per realizzare il sogno che suo fratello rincorreva da sempre: segnare il gol della vittoria nella sua squadra di calcio. Per vincere questa sfida però trascurerà la scuola, allontanando i suoi amici e rischiando di perdere il fidanzato. Ma grazie alla sua tenacia Gracie non solo spingerà il padre e i suoi amici a vederla come la persona bella e forte che è sempre stata, ma riuscirà anche a tenere unita la famiglia in un momento estremamente difficile.
Un film che punta tutto sui momenti commoventi che sono molti e che toccano il cuore del pubblico, specie delle famiglie, dove genitori e figli si possono facilmente rispecchiare nei protagonisti. Buone anche le scene d'azione in mezzo al campo di gioco, che sono state affidate all'espertissimo Dan Metcalfe, e si vede.
Non si tratta di un film eccezionale, qualche imperfezione nello script c'è, non tutto gira nel modo migliore neanche nella sceneggiatura, ma il risultato è comunque soddisfacente. Un film delicato, dolce e pieno di buoni sentimenti, intenzionato ad insegnare ai più giovani che nella vita 'tutto è possibile, basta crederci'. Alle volte c'è bisogno proprio di questo.

"Ricorda, se ci credi allora puoi farlo"

The first thing that came to mind towards the end of this film, was about how we tend to demean the Hindi "Masala" Movies. The Saint is a Masala Movie at its best -- the only difference that it is a Hollywood production. Like the many unbelievable things in Hindi Masala Movies, The Saint has enough of its share. I realised, that it is just a fixation of Hollywood production that makes us compare and usually rate Hollywood films as better.

You don't need your head or your heart to watch this film. Just sit and enjoy and allow the film's universe to take on its own course. Enter a world of cute fantasy, and then, let go!

Val Kilmer is a nice guy, I like his work. He has done some nice roles, like in The Doors. Elisabeth Shue is passable. The stunts and thrills aren't huge; they are acceptable.

Only if you have nothing better to do.

Ben Sanderson (Nicolas Cage), mora em Los Angeles, e é um roteirista alcoólatra que perde o emprego e decide dirigir até Las Vegas, onde pretende beber até morrer. Porem lá ele conhece a prostituta Sera (Elisabeth Shue) com quem vive um tumultuado caso de amor. O filme que é simplesmente espetacular foi dirigido por Mike Figgis, que também fez ‘Por uma Noite Apenas’.

Despedida em Las Vegas recebeu indicação a 4 categorias do Oscar, melhor diretor, melhor atriz, melhor roteiro adaptado e faturando a estatueta com Nicolas Cage, como melhor ator. O filme ainda conta com Julian Sands, Richard Lewis, Kim Adams e Steven Weber, mas o filme muito bem dirigido é um show aparte de Nicolas Cage e Elisabeth Shue, roubando todas as atenções do público. É um filme que vale a pena ter em casa para re-velo a qualquer momento.

Pra inaugurar a sessão, Elisabeth Shue. Ela fez Karate Kid, De volta para o futuro, O santo, Cocktail, O homem sem sobra e mostrou os peitos em Leaving Las Vegas, filme em que chegou a concorrer ao Oscar de melhor atriz.

Day Night Day Night

A 19-year-old girl prepares to become a suicide bomber in Times Square. She speaks with a nondescript American accent, and it's impossible to pinpoint her ethnicity. We never learn why she made her decision -- she has made it already.(IMDb)

I had meant to see this film, but missed it when it came around,

it only got a little press, which was mostly negative (Fox News, of course)

if any one has seen it, drop me a line.....

Also Noticed,

Middle Of Nowhere

Told against the backdrop of finding love and friendship in a small town, two teens from different sides of the tracks forge a partnership to seek freedom from their respectively miserable lives.

note: I have seen the trailer for it, but cannot find one anywhere.

Finally, I have heard, some misguided studio executive is planning a remake of

Adventures in Babysitting

Internet Movie Database

PLEASE DON'T !

I love Elisabeth Shue, don't ruin one of the last pieces of '80s nostalgia.

Please.....





Título Original: Leaving Las Vegas
Gênero: Drama
Tempo de Duração: 112 minutos
Ano de Lançamento: (EUA) 1995
Site Oficial: www.mgm.com/leavinglasvegas
Estúdio: Initial Productions / Lumière Pictures
Distribuição: United Artists
Direção: Mike Figgis
Roteiro: Mike Figgis, baseado em livro de John O'Brien
Produção: Lila Cazès e Annie Stewart
Elenco
Nicolas Cage (Ben Sanderson)
Elisabeth Shue (Sera)
Julian Sands (Yuri)
Richard Lewis (Peter)
Steven Weber (Marc Nussbaum)
Kim Adams (Sheila)
Emily Procter (Debbie)
Valeria Golino (Terri)
Sinopse: Em Los Angeles, Ben Sanderson (Nicolas Cage) é um alcoólatra que, após ter sido demitido da produção de um filme, decide dirigir até Las Vegas, onde planeja beber até morrer. Lá conhece Sera (Elisabeth Shue), uma prostituta que também morou em Los Angeles, por quem se apaixona. Ele acaba indo morar na casa dela, sendo que ela respeita o fato dele ser alcoólatra e ele respeita seu modo de ganhar a vida. No entanto, a deterioração dele entrou em um processo irreversível.

Comentário: História forte, ótima fotografia e atuações belíssimas. Vale...

MÚSICA: IDA CORR VS. FEDDE LE GRAND - LET ME THINK ABOUT IT

It all started simple enough. Newspaperman in the deep throes of watching one of his many sweethearts have a good game, e-mailed The Jon. In this case it was Joey Votto's three homer game Wednesday. This is a rough quote:
"Monster, baby. Monster. Three jacks in three at-bats, four RBIs, three runs, a walk and a stolen base. I have to change my panties!"

It was then The Jon finally pinpointed who Newspaperman reminded The Jon of.

Daniel LaRusso. Yes, you read that right, Daniel-San.

As we all know, The Jon is steeped in Karate Kid lore. That video that led off this masterpiece was Newspaperman when he first started playing fantasy baseball. He was the best around for a small part due to his obsession with baseball cards.

He took a hobby that involved him poring over these cards in his underwear in a dark, musky room with a roll of toilet paper and turned it into early fantasy baseball success. He won one title in the State league and he was giddy ... like Daniel-San at 35 seconds into this clip:

Newspaperman would actually lay in bed at night and dream that he was the best around. Humming that tune as he had visions of Roger Clemens and Pedro Martinez dancing in his head, he must have channeled Daniel-San and had dreams like this ...

Here's the kicker with Newspaperman. Instead of intimidating all of the people he beat to grab his first title, the guy was a cornball.

He would spew this weak advice such as "When drafting, you have to pick the best available player."

Or, "When hitting 30 home runs, one must be really good and should be on everyone's draft list."

And then he found love in Jose Reyes, David Wright and Grady Sizemore.

So much so that when The Jon offered one of his famous deals that nobody could refuse, something along the lines of Manny Ramirez, Jason Giambi, Curt Schilling, some other hot pitcher of two seasons past and something like two other quantifiable fantasy-hitting producersfor Grady Sizemore, Newspaperman balked.

So what happened?

This. Remember, Newspaperman is Daniel-San.

Newspaperman created The Jon.

By not taking that deal, The Jon's team got hot and the first championship of the Greatness Era began. By not taking a deal that would have guaranteed Newspaperman another championship, The Jon became the most prolific fantasy baseballer ever.

Five seasons of top 3 finishes.

Two championships.

So what's a Daniel-San to do? Well, Newspaperman has taken solace that he has finished with the best record for like three seasons running. And for a while, he was happy.

One problem though.

Newspaperman has had to face The Jon in the playoffs, and he becomes a blubbering idiot rolling around on the ground having to battle it out with FreeSanJose aka Mike Barnes for second place ...

It has gotten so bad, Newspaperman is a shell of his former self. Getting scared like a little girl and making excuses when he loses to The Jon. You want to see his expression while he is in front of his computer and he realizes The Greatness is coming up on the schedule?

Check out the 36 second mark of this clip. Or watch the whole thing. Same effect.

The sad thing about all of this is at least when Daniel-San made a fool out himself, Mr. Miyagi was always there.

When Daniel-San threw his bike in the dumpster. Miyagi fixed it.

When Daniel-San messed and destroyed his relationship with Elisabeth Shue, Miyagi told him to go back and tap that.

Well Newspaperman, there is some bad news.

I'm your Mr. Miyagi, bitch.

Not this Mr. Miyagi ...

But this Mr. Miyagi.

The Mr. Miyagi that doesn't forgive past mistakes and proceeds to smash you every single time in the playoffs.

Every single playoff matchup.

Your biggest nightmare.

Yes Newspaperman, I'm the Miyagi that makes your face all scrunched up while whispering "No" to yourself.

You created this. This is your shame. Your destiny.

So long, Newspaperman. And embrace your fate. You skirt-wearing little girl.

Like this? Check out more Video Histories with these links:

The Road to the Title Part 2

The Four Horsemen

Shortstop Scenario

Ichiro vs. Crawford

: : : : : : : : : : :

Dear Diary,

Oh boy, I did lots today. Today was so super. Here is a list of the top eight things I did today:

1. I saw a trailer for Speed Racer today. It was a really cool trailer. I think I want to make a list of the Top 12 trailers of movies based on old cartoons. This would be different from the list I proposed of the top 12 movies based on old cartoons because it would just be about the trailers

2. I had an awesome breakfast. The top five things in my breakfast today, in no particular order, were scrambled eggs, whole wheat toast, crispy bacon, Valencia orange juice, and strawberry jam. I don’t know if it ranks in my top 15 breakfasts of all time, but it certainly ranks in my top nine homemade breakfasts of all time

3. I got in a heated debate about American Idol today with one of my coworkers. She said that David Archuleta was the greatest Idol contestant whose last name ended in a vowel and I said he wouldn’t even crack the top four, what with Fantasia Barrino, Justin Guarini, Bo Bice, and Kimberly Locke. She said nuh-uh, Locke doesn’t end with a vowel and I said yeah-huh. And she was totally better. Remember that song “8th World Wonder.” That has numbers and words. I like numbers and words. It’s almost like a list but not quite

4. I thought of several lists today. The top three lists I thought of were Top 25 Movies featuring veterinarians, Top 15 actors who appeared in Burger King commercials (Elisabeth Shue, I’m thinking you’re up there!), and Top 50 uses of synthesizers in 80s songs. Those are awesome lists.

5. I got home early so I was able to catch up on the TiVo for my favorite show: E’s “The Daily 10.” That show is so cool. It puts entertainment news in list form, which makes it more important to me. They should really do the news news, like the Darfur stuff, you know, in list form. It would make it so much easier to follow.

6. I did a list with Roman numerals instead of numbers, and that was kind of neat. Numbers are better for lists, but Roman numerals are good for a change of pace or if you meet a Roman and you want to speak his language. Letters are OK too, but you’re going have so many letters in the actual list, you should just use numbers. I think it goes, in order, numbers, Roman numerals, letters, and then wingdings. Wingdings are the worst because they’re weird.

7. Someone posted a comment that it was so much better years ago when Entertainment Weekly put out an important list once or twice a year, but I totally nailed that guy. I gave him 20 reasons why daily lists are better than biannual lists and I ordered them from least awesome to most awesome which is the best way to structure a list. It was definitely in the top 75 responses to a reader complaint about our lists of all time. So eat that, hotpants17!

8. I bought an orangutan.

So that was my day. Out of all the days in the week it was definitely in the top 7 ;) Write to you tomorrow!

-- Tom Repetto (non-EW editor)

The Jon remembers when it was a Dad weekend. For the 80 percent of us that have had to deal with divorce in the early '80s, a Dad's weekend was every other week when you go to a house where a man you hardly knew lived and didn't have to do anything but watch TV and see topless women on HBO.
So here is The Jon and The Jon's Dad is excited to show The Older Sister who actually knew The Jon's Dad when he was married to The Mom and he and The Older Sister walk to the TV. Under it is this big rectangular plastic box. There was nothing on it except plastic buttons and a LED clock.

Now back in the early '80s, LED was known as the word "digital." Ooooh, that sounds futuristic.

So The Jon is looking at this scene where The Older Sister is flipping out and getting all excited and all The Jon can think (yes think, The Jon didn't talk that much as a kid, maybe because of the whole divorced thing that The Jon's Dad could have tried to explain instead of wasting his time buying a damn VCR. Yeah, thanks Dad) anyways, let's repeat:

So The Jon is looking at this scene where The Older Sister is flipping out and getting all excited and all The Jon can think of is "Wow, what a cool digital clock."

The Jon didn't learn it was a VCR or what a VCR did until a day later when we went to this big family outing to Video Mania and we went back home and watched flipping Ice Castles.

That.
Movie.
Sucked.

Don't even watch this full clip.

The Jon's sisters watched that movie every ufckin weekend. It was about some blond, white girl that was a good skater or something and she was two-timing on her boyfriend with Robbie Benson and some old white lady gets mad and cuts the ice where the girl practices and behold, the skater girl trips and crashes her head in and she turns blind.

Man, white people. But Robbie Benson teaches her how to skate blind and she goes out and performs and kills in a competition, but nobody knows she's blind so they throw her roses and Robbie Benson says, "Don't throw roses! Don't throw roses!"

And she falls, everyone knows she's blind and there is crying and stuff. The Jon thinks somewhere along the way the white skater girl's mother dies and she goes and performs again and she is still blind. The end.

And Robbie Benson what was the hell that all about? He had a scene where he was in his fruit of the looms. You don't believe The Jon? Well here it is ... and don't watch the whole clip.

After Ice Castles, there was Xanadu. The Jon was left out to dry. The only good movie The Jon got to rent once a year was Tron. They didn't even have Star Wars to rent because George Lucas was a tightwad back in the day. Remember?

The point of all this besides Robbie Benson's underwear is new technology sucks. TheBaseballStars was on some wack site last season that nobody read, so we came to Wordpress where you can add videos and pictures with ease.

The Jon was in a zone last season when it came to blogging. The Jon is pretty good at this whole writing thing, but a lot of The Jon's blogs could have been better if there was video to put on.

Nothing exemplifies this more than our top post on TheBaseballStars.com: Ichiro (vs.) Crawford.

Without video our top-searched word, high top fade, would have never even been put into the annals without Ichiro sporting one in a Japanese commercial.

So again, why does this suck? Well it is 2:45 a.m. and The Jon realizes there was one post from last season that has never got it's due: Road to the Title Part 2. Go ahead and click on this link. Text, text and more text. Time for a video update.

And here it is, digital clock and all:

Sept. 9, 2007

Take a look at Robert DeNiro in this heat clip. This is The Jon. Explanation? Here it is:
After defiantly predicting a victory against PoiDog this week where The Jon was up 10-3, Vladimir Guerrero got hurt and a once slap-happy offense has collected 11 hits over the past two days. The Jon is now looking at an 8-4 hole needing to beat PoiDog in innings pitched (with two pitchers going) and homers to tie and win off of team ERA.

It's a far stretch to hope and after my blasphemies of guaranteeing victory, The Jon has found God and has to do what's best for The Jon right now.

I apologize for setting a bad example for all the kids that look up to The Jon and will do better in the future (tear drop and scene).If there is any good to come out of my eminent defeat, it is the chance to have a break for looking at stats every night, or dreading not seeing any of my player's names on the ESPN sportsticker.

But more importantly, The Jon won't channel Robert DeNiro in Heat when he is home free on the freeway with his ugly girlfriend. There he is ready to get out of town ready to spend his life on some beach watching his ugly girlfriend in a bikini and he keeps on harping on that former redneck in his crew that gave them all away and got that tattoo-chest guy killed.

Even though the tattoo-chest guy led a full life and met Ron Burgundy, DeNiro can't get his mind past the redneck.

So they show one of the many classic scenes where DeNiro is in a closeup and he is looking angry. He then thinks of the beach and his ugly girlfriend in a bikini and tries to smile and succeeds for about two seconds and then goes back to a scowl.

The Jon truly believes if Elisabeth Shue (during her hot mid-90s period, but shown here in 1984) was in the car with him, DeNiro doesn't get off the freeway to kill redneck.

That scene has played every weekend since baseball started. Their is The Jon with a beer in his hand Sunday having to watch Desperate Housewives because, with three women in the house, The Jon can no longer produce testosterone at adequate levels to control the remote control.

So there is The Jon watching ugly Nicollette Sheridan and getting that scowl on my face. Then Eva Longoria pops in and if they are trying to get ratings they usually put her in lingerie.

A forced smile appears on The Jon's face and then he remembers that Aaron Rowand, Jose Reyes or Placido Polanco are probably up to bat and can steal one of the categories

The Jon has a lead in and that scowl returns and The Jon is forced to run upstairs to check baseball box scores. If Elisabeth Shue were on Desperate Housewives, there would be no problem. I mean, where is she? She was untouchable in The Saint.

So yeah, The Jon gets a vacation from baseball and the unlikely paths his mind wanders to with a loss this week. But karma might just work, The Jon just brought up DeNiro, Heat, redneck, tattoo-chest guy, Ron Burgundy and Elisabeth Shue (Karate Kid bikini ... just go to the 48-second mark of this clip and turn off the audio).

If that won't help, then does it really matter?

Now The Jon feels like Morgan Freeman walking down that beach muttering, "I hope." There's more karma right there. Shawshank Redemption added to DeNiro, Pacino, Heat, redneck, tattoo-chest guy, Ron Burgundy and Elisabeth Shue (Karate Kid bikini)? It doesn't get better than that.
Note: This was taken from the Road to the Title Part 3, but it would have been here if video was available way back when ... 8 months ago. And what better way to end this marathon with this? So was Red!

Like this? Check out more Video Histories with these links:

Ichiro vs. Crawford

The Four Horsemen

Shortstop Scenario

Karate Kid

: : : : : : : : : : :